Getting A Boyfriend Showed Me Who My Real Friends Are

They say you lose a few friends when you get into a relationship, but I lost a ton. It wasn’t because I was some cold-hearted bitch who forgot my girls, though—here’s what really happened.

  1. My friend accused me of cutting him out. My best guy friend accused me of ditching my friends when I got a BF, but I found that absolutely laughable! This wasn’t the case at all. I had a good reason for walking away from him and other people in my life.
  2. I realized who my real friends were. It’s funny, when you’re single, your friends are all around you. When you’re in a long-term relationship, people sometimes tend to move away from you. That’s what happened to me, and it really took me by surprise because I never saw it coming. Suddenly I wasn’t good enough for my single friends, yet my friends who were in relationships finally wanted to hang out. Weird.
  3. I needed them and they weren’t there. I really needed my BFFs to be in my life even if I wasn’t having dating dramas anymore, but they were distant. Some seemed jealous of me for being in a serious relationship, which blew my mind. It felt so childish and it made me realize something about them I’d never really seen before: they were toxic friends.
  4. I hated the lies. I couldn’t believe people were saying that I was pulling away from them just because I had a boyfriend. Sadly, this showed me that they really didn’t know me at all because I would never do that.
  5. They still don’t see what they did. It’s easy to pin the blame on me because I’m the one who’s life changed. I’m the one who moved to a different city and got a great guy, right? But wait—what about what they did? What about how they weren’t there to support me anymore? What about how they allowed the physical distance between us to become something we couldn’t cross?
  6. What about the friends who couldn’t be bothered? Now that I was entering a new relationship and new chapter in my life, some friends just stopped making the effort to get in touch. Even when I tried to keep our connections going, they never met me halfway. I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to make them want me in their lives. Hell no. I realized that those friends only wanted me around when it suited them or they needed me. How convenient.
  7. I’m so done with fake friends. I just want to be surrounded by people who uplift and support me and who don’t speak badly of me because they know what I’m really about. I want those friendships that last forever, even if my friends and I don’t speak every day. I want friends who I can bump into after weeks or months of not chatting and it feels like we were just hanging out the day before. The distance with those friends means nothing because our friendship is so real and strong.
  8. Yes, I’m quieter on social media. So what? I’ll admit I have become a bit less active on social media than I used to be, and maybe that has something to do with my partner. We’re so happy together that we fill our spare time with more fun things than checking out Instagram feeds. I guess I used to have a lot of free time to waste but I don’t want to spend my time glued to my screen instead of living my life. This shouldn’t matter. Whatever happened to picking up the phone?
  9. Happiness shows me who my real friends are. It’s weird how they always say that when you’re going through a tough time, that’s when your real friends will show. Honestly, I’ve experienced the opposite. It’s when I’m going through the happiest time of my life that this will alienate so-called real friends. It’s crazy!
  10. We’re not compatible. Although I tried to keep some friendships going, with others that faded out I realized that time apart from my friends showed me we never really had that much in common. That happened because I had some distance from them, not because I had a boyfriend. Still, it was an eye-opener, that’s for sure.
  11. No one’s going to bring me down. I’m really happy where I am in life and I won’t let anyone rain on my parade. Hell no. In the past, I’d be really crushed to lose friends and I’d probably chase after them so that we could fix our friendships, but I’m not that person anymore. Hey, maybe I have changed, but I’ve grown up and I’m not going to stick around in friendships that don’t make me feel good. What’s the point of that? Friendship is about quality, not quantity, and life’s too short to be with fake people.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.