Getting My Heart Smashed Into Pieces Was One Of The Best Things That Happened To Me

I loved him so much and at one point, I was sure I’d spend forever with him. Then he cheated on me. I didn’t know what to do and I was sure that I’d never be happy or in love again. However, once I peeled away the layers of fear, anger, anxiety, and depression, I realized some amazing things.

  1. This was a blessing in disguise. There’s nothing like heartbreak to throw you for a loop. It was like I’d been pushed out of a speeding car, and it wasn’t until the shock wore off that I realized I’d been sleeping through the whole relationship. I needed to get my heart broken to wake me up so I could see that losing him wasn’t such a bad thing. It was just what I needed to take stock of my life.
  2. I was completely lost for a really long time. I had an identity crisis. I’d lost myself in the relationship and had to look at myself and really study who I’d become, what I wanted, what I needed, and why I was better off on my own than being in a relationship which I allowed to take away my identity.
  3. It made me stop and live. I had much more time on my hands after we ended things, but instead of scrambling to fill it up with friends, family, and hobbies, I took the time to appreciate the beauty around me and really just live in the moment for a while. This made me so thankful for the small pleasures and helped me realize and appreciate that nothing lasts forever.
  4. I eventually realized I’d dodged a bullet. He’d cheated on me and I’d been lucky to find out. If I hadn’t, I would’ve continued in the relationship, completely oblivious to what he was doing and how he was playing me. While it was painful, it was ultimately for the best that I learned the truth.
  5. I eventually opened myself up to love again. I thought I’d go off the idea of love after being so hurt by it but I realized that I had a lot of love to give and there was still so much of it in the world. It was in my family, my friends, my career, my passions, my dogs. My life was there, waiting to be lived.
  6. I got so much smarter. I had the perfect opportunity to learn from the mistakes I’d made in the relationship, like ignoring signs that my ex wasn’t right for me. This toughened me up and would help to prevent me getting into the same destructive relationships in future.
  7. I figured out what I truly wanted. I realized that I wanted more out of a relationship than he’d given me and that I’d be able to go out and find it when I was ready. I took the time to really figure out what’s important to me before getting back out there. I wouldn’t have reached that level of insight if he hadn’t hurt me.
  8. It made me feel alive. Being hurt and vulnerable was scary and depressing, but after awhile, the pain actually made me feel alive. It had its own rhythm and beauty. I was moving through a really tough emotional time but I was making my way through it and I knew there would be sunshine after those dark days. I regained my faith in that.
  9. It showed me the problem isn’t me. I realized that no matter how great I was as a girlfriend, bad boyfriends could still happen to me. That’s life. This heartbreak made me see that I don’t have to blame myself for everything. I had the choice to give my lousy ex power over me but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
  10. It made me love myself. I was the only one who could mend the pieces of my broken heart by caring for myself and showing myself the love I had so easily given to him. It’s like I’d been waiting for someone to love me, but I had to start loving myself if I wanted to be happy.
  11. It showed me my strength. I never thought of myself as strong. The idea of life without that guy frightened me. And yet, facing my broken heart showed me that sooner or later, the wounds heal and you do feel better. I was strong enough to deal with it and being alone was a million times better than being with someone who mistreated me!
  12. I now know that I can deal with anything. No matter what happens, I will be okay. That was the most beautiful thing I learned. One way or another, happiness always returns. It’s the law of the universe, basically.
  13. I fell in love with single life. I was on my own and could do anything I wanted—what a great feeling! Once I threw away the last crumpled Kleenex in the bin, I got myself back out there. I tried new things, followed my creative passions and met new friends. I started living again and loved being single because it meant I alone was responsible for my happiness. How empowering!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.