Getting To Know Yourself Will Make You Happier, And Might Even Lead You To The Right Guy

You might want to meet your perfect match, but have you put in the work to find out who you are first? If not, how are you supposed to know if he’s the right guy who can do justice to your amazingness? Here’s why you need to find yourself before you go hunting for Mr Perfect:

  1. You have to know who you are so you don’t risk settling in relationships. You need to know what you want, what’s right for you in relationships, what isn’t right, and what you will/won’t put up with. If you don’t know these things, then you might find yourself with a guy who seems like a great catch on paper but doesn’t make you happy in real life.
  2. You risk putting too many expectations on your partner if it’s all about them. If you know yourself, you can stand on your own feet. You know you’ll bolt out of the relationship if your needs aren’t met; you’re in the power seat. If not, you might be looking to your partner to do things for you and make you happy. That’s a lot to put on their shoulders. You’ll never find lasting happiness unless it comes from you.
  3. You might miss out on the perfect guy. Think that the perfect guy for you doesn’t exist? Are you sure you’re not looking right at him, but not seeing him as an option because you’re not taking time to find out what kind of guy would actually be right for you? If you don’t know yourself, then you might just date guys who are hot or seem like they’d make great boyfriends without choosing guys based on how they complement your desires, wants, likes, and dislikes.
  4. If you make your relationship a priority, you might end up resenting it. If you don’t know what you’re about and don’t have boundaries in place, it makes it really easy for someone to come along and totally take over. You might find it romantic to make your relationship your priority, but it can be damaging because it cuts off your link to so many other things and people who are required for a full, happy life.
  5. You need to love yourself first. You might roll your eyes at the advice that you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else, and it might not always be the case. But, if you don’t love yourself, then you can’t find a happy relationship — even if you love your partner. Loving yourself means respecting yourself, having standards in place, and taking care of yourself as you would your BFF. Without that, you can end up putting yourself last on your list or becoming a martyr, which sucks and screws you over.
  6. You have to know you’ll be okay on your own. Who says you need a man? If you don’t know or love yourself, you might be frightened of living a single life forever without having Mr. Perfect rock up. First off, who needs him? Secondly, the relationship won’t work if you’re clingy or desperate AF.
  7. Love isn’t something to fix or heal you. Everyone has issues. Perhaps you think that you can fix your flaws by finding love. Although that’s a romantic idea, it’s not sustainable. Only you can fix yourself and heal your issues, but you need to find yourself and deal with those issues first.
  8. You need to get out there and make mistakes. You should have a chance to date lots of different guys, get your heart broken, and feel like a big mess. That’s when you see what works for you in relationships versus what doesn’t. It also means that you fine-tune what you want in the future and what guys you won’t waste your precious time on anymore.
  9. You shouldn’t be bored out of your mind. If you don’t know what makes your heart beat faster and makes you feel alive, you risk getting into relationships that seem okay but really don’t do you justice. Life’s too short to be stuck with an average relationship.
  10. You’ll never feel fulfilled unless you make yourself your soulmateYou might be so focused on finding The One that you totally forget about the face looking back at you in the mirror. You’re your real soulmate. If you can trust yourself, depend on yourself, and love yourself, you’ll stop putting expectations on relationships and you’ll be able to enjoy them more.
  11. You must allow yourself to dream big before finding your Mr Big. You should be going out there to find what your passions are and then following them so that you can live a full, happy life. You should do this first before trying to find Mr Right because he should complement your life, not the other way around. The latter’s just a recipe for unhappiness.
  12. You attract what you are. The world is a mirror to what’s going on inside you. When you find yourself attracting guys who are lost and a big mess, it could be a sign that you’re the one who has some issues to sort out. But when you connect with yourself and feel strong in who you are, you meet the same people. So take the time to focus on YOU and reap the rewards.
  13. You should be able to be yourself. When you’re not confident with who you are, you hold back in love or you push it away — that’s not going to bring your perfect match into your life any time soon. You need to know who you are and who you want to be, and then nurture the confidence to be that person without fear. Because no matter how much a guy makes you feel you can be yourself, you’ll never be fully comfortable until you’re comfortable in your own skin.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.