Let’s be real — breakups suck, and the first month or so is usually the toughest. While eventually we get to that “a-ha” moment of why he wasn’t Mr. Right, a lot of us do go through a mad stage — and by mad, I really do mean really mad. Whether or not we want to admit to this messy post-breakup stage, we’ve all been there at least once. Here’s how a lot of us get through a bad breakup in 10 long, agonizing steps.
- Getting drunk. Not just tipsy drunk, but throw up, pass out, and have an all-day hangover the next day kind of drunk. Basically, the kind of drunk that would make your friends disown you if they didn’t feel sorry for you. It’s best to just get this out of your system sooner rather than later.
- Crying until you can’t cry anymore. And by this, I’m not talking about a few tears — I’m talking about full on bawling. You know, the kind that leaves your eyes red and swollen for days. Whatever sparks it – memory, gift, song – a random intense outburst of feelings will hit you. Don’t fight it, embrace it.
- Facebook stalking. With social media, it’s never been easier to see what’s going on with friends, friends of friends, and even strangers. Even if you unfriend your ex as soon as your relationship ends, you’ll probably still type his name into the search bar at some point to see what he’s been up to. But it doesn’t stop there, either. You’ll probably go through every photo, every comment, and every status that he’s commented on or liked since you broke up. And about 5 hours later, you’re done.
- Real life stalking. Whether it’s driving past his place at 2 AM or going to the place where you first kissed, we’ve all given in to this erratic behavior. I’m not even sure what we’re hoping to accomplish through this, but post-breakup, we certainly take things to a whole new level. At least he never catches us… hopefully.
- Bitching and complaining. You’ll probably talk anyone and everyone’s ear off about how bad your ex really was in bed. From that time he only lasted about 30 seconds to you catching him watching sex websites instead of watching you, you’ll want to spill it all – in a very detailed matter, might I add. And no matter what, you’ll complain about his penis being too small, even if it wasn’t.
- Refusing to shave. Feminism has kicked in, and you’re determined to hate all men, forever and ever. So who needs to shave? It’s a waste of time and energy. Plus, you aren’t trying to impress anyone, and you know that you’re already perfect.
- Binging on junk food. Is chocolate ice cream your forte, or are you more of a candy girl? It doesn’t stop with eating. TV and movie watching eats up just about all of your time post-breakup. It’s way better to focus on fictional characters and their messed up lives than your own, and having snacks on hand never hurts.
- Getting a little too flirty. It happens. You start wearing tighter clothes, you flirt too much with one too many guys, you sext. It’s not the end of the world; it’s just your way of processing. Plus, it helps you to feel sexy and desired, which could be just what you need right now.
- Dubbing yourself Ms. Determination. All of those things that your ex said you couldn’t do? Done! With a new mindset and your new “I’ll show you what you’re missing” attitude, you conquer it all. What does this really do? It doesn’t matter, because you’re proving a point that you’re now unstoppable and nothing will hold you down.
- Discovering yourself. You’ve done it before and will probably do it again, breakup or no breakup. Realizing just how “freeing” yoga really is, starting a new hobby, convincing yourself that you don’t need a man to make you happy… Your new-found self-discovery helps keep the internal peace, for a short while at least.
At the end of the day, breakups happen. And while they suck, we just have to be a little freaky until we calm down (eventually).
