Getting Into A Relationship Is Terrifying When You’ve Been Single For An Eternity

Falling love is a good thing, but the longer you’ve gone without it, the harder it becomes. You’ve been your number-one priority for a long time, and adding someone else to the mix means things are going to change. This is why changing your “single” status can be so terrifying sometimes:

  1. You’ve gotten used to being on your own. You’ve gotten over someone, and you actually enjoy your own company now. You don’t even mind being single anymore — in fact, you kind of like it. Going back to taking someone else’s feelings into consideration all the time doesn’t exactly sound appealing at this point.
  2. You don’t like not being in control. Falling in love feels like just that — falling. You don’t have any control over your feelings or his, and you could end up getting hurt. But at the same time, you could end up in a happy relationship, so you kind of have to let go at some point. It may not be easy, but it’s necessary.
  3. You don’t want to be disappointed. You definitely have to have a thick skin if you want to date these days. There’s a lot of uncertainty, ghosting, and just straight-up rejection. Who would go into that willingly? For most people, the potential pay off is worth the risk, but there are some days where you’d rather just resign yourself to being single forever than meet one more guy who’s just going to let you down.
  4. You forget how to do the relationship thing. Compromising, making time in your schedule for another person, knowing how to be a decent girlfriend, but also maintaining your independence: it’s not as easy as you remember it being. There’s a learning curve when you’ve been out of the game for awhile, and the fear of failure is ever-present.
  5. New emotions can be confusing. That giddy, can’t-stop-thinking-about-him feeling is supposed to be a good thing, but it can also be kind of annoying, especially if you’re not sure if he feels the same way back. You end up fighting new feelings but also getting caught up in them at the same time, and sometimes you have no idea what to do with your own emotions.
  6. You’re set in your ways. You sleep like a spread-eagle baby, eat dinner while watching The Bachelor, and take long, luxurious showers in the morning. Changing your habits is doable for the right person, and you’ll do it if you have to, but that doesn’t mean you’ll like it.
  7. Why fix something that’s not broken? You’re perfectly happy on your own without having to worry about all the nonsense that comes along with being in love. You’ve been fine for a long time, and it probably wasn’t easy to get to this point, so why mess with it?
  8. Caring about someone that much is hard. Relationships with other people are what life is all about. Whether it’s your family, friends, or someone you’re romantically involved with, you care about their well-being. That means if something bad happens to them, you’re invested enough that it will affect your life too. You can’t go through life never making emotional connections just to protect yourself, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy either.
  9. You’ve convinced yourself you don’t need someone else’s love. Part of getting to a place where you’re comfortable with being single was proving to yourself that you’re enough all on your own. When you know love isn’t something you need, it’s hard to put the effort required into finding it.
  10. You have to adjust your priorities. As a single person, you’re your top priority. Your career, your friendships, and your interests are what matter. Falling in love means putting a relationship first, and you really have to be sure you’re ready to do that before you let yourself go down that road. It’s easier said than done.


By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.