No matter how you choose to meet guys — dating apps, set-ups, IRL at a party — you have one thing in common with everyone else: you get ghosted. Sometimes you’re the one doing the ghosting, even though there seems to be a weird stereotype out there that only guys ignore people this way. Nope, not true. It can be harsh, but it can also be effective and the only option in some situations. If you’re wondering whether or not to ghost, here’s your official pro/con list:
- Pro: some guys totally deserve it. How do you know? If your date was super creepy, insulted you in any way, or won’t take no for an answer. If he keeps texting aggressively, feel free to ghost him and even go one step further: block his number. You’ll be so glad you did.
- Con: some guys are actually nice. You feel this one in your gut. You just know when the guy is sweet enough and a good person but just not for you. For whatever reason, you’re not feeling him. This is when you send him a polite “it was really nice meeting you but unfortunately the chemistry just wasn’t there for me” text.
- Pro: you can move on in peace. The thing is that ghosting works 100% of the time. It gets the job done so to speak, and the guy will most likely get the hint and never bug you ever again. That will allow you to move on in total peace which can be pretty great, especially if you’ve had a string of crappy dates and want to stay positive.
- Con: you hate being ghosted. Wondering what to do? Think about how you want to be treated. That’s not super fun, but it’s effective. You hate being ghosted, and sometimes it even hurts. So if you’re on the fence, remember that and just let the guy down easy.
- Pro: traditional ghosting is better than the new versions. Seriously, what’s up with passive ghosting or benching? Doesn’t that just prolong the total and utter agony? At least when you ignore him when you get that dreaded post-date text, he knows what’s going on.
- Con: it makes it okay. If you ghost, that proves to this guy that it’s okay for people to ghost, and then he might do it to other girls, too. The cycle of ghosting will continue, and that basically sucks.
- Pro: you feel totally in control. The thing about dating is there’s not a ton you’re in charge of. You have no idea when you’re finally going to click with someone or when your days of horrible dates are long gone. At least when you meet a jerk and you ghost him, you have some agency.
- Con: honesty is usually the best. The more honest you can be in life, the better you’re going to feel about yourself, your actions and your decisions. Even if he’s the biggest jerk you’ve ever met, go ahead and tell him there’s not going to be a second date. But just because you’re not ghosting doesn’t mean you can’t get the upper hand. Why not actually tell him he behaved super badly and you’re not into it? As long as you don’t get into a huge sparring match via text, you’ll feel relieved — and you won’t have to feel any ghosting guilt.
