Being ghosted by your best friend is so much worse than being ghosted by any guy. You go from talking every day to the odd delayed replies and then canceled plans. It’s like they just disappear and soon it’s been a month since you’ve heard from them, no warning, no explanation. It stings. Here’s why it was so difficult to lose my best friend and how I coped with it.
- I felt like she should know better. She was the one person who’d been through all my bad breakups with me and every other major life event in recent years. Surely she should understand more than anyone else what being ghosted by her would do to me. From constant chat to a phone gathering dust, the new norm is hard to understand.
- She was the one who said communication was key in my last breakup. Can she not take her own advice? If she’s too busy, she should just say. If she doesn’t want to speak, she should say so. If I’ve done something to upset her, she should tell me. She did in the past, so why the sudden silence? We aren’t in high school anymore, so let’s treat each other like adults and communicate.
- It feels disrespectful to the relationship. Did the relationship mean that little that she can’t even acknowledge it and explain what I did wrong? Did I even do anything wrong or has she just decided I’m not worth the conversation? All these things add to the anxiety of not being good enough and make the ghosting all the more painful.
- She’s the one person I’m meant to be able to rely on. From bad dates and terrible breakups to difficult interviews or missed promotions, your best friend is meant to be there for you no matter what. She’s meant to share in the good times as well as the bad ones. Now I have to get used to not sending that funny meme or TikTok or that house decor bargain that I know she would love. It’s so unfair.
- I’ve had to accept it’s not me, it’s her. Maybe she’s going through something and this time, she doesn’t want to share. Maybe her posting on social media is her way of coping, even though she has at least five unanswered texts from you. You can’t force people how to act or when to reply to you, I know. You can only control your reaction when they do, if they do. Sometimes you need to accept they want space, even if you are unsure as to why. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.
- It’s been hard to acknowledge how I feel about it all. At the end of the day, it’s a kind of breakup, but this time the person who would help you put the pieces back together isn’t there. The sudden departure is hard to understand and shocking. I’ve been trying to allow myself to feel how I feel, whether that’s hurt, angry, or numb on any given day. I also had to get to a point where I could respect the boundaries my former BFF was setting even if I disagreed with them. She obviously wasn’t my real friend if she could walk away that easily.
- What next? What if she comes back? Do I forgive her? Being ghosted is plainly quite a rude way of ending any relationship and can have huge implications for self-confidence and mental health in general. Humans are social beings, and if someone has upset me and they clearly want to address/fix it, I generally feel like I should give them the chance to try or at least communicate what went wrong. However, if my boundaries have changed because of the other person’s actions and they’re not getting the message, communication is important. I don’t know how I’ll react if that ever happens but it is something that crosses my mind from time to time.
- I’ll never be too much for the right people. I know how important it is to find your people. These days, I’m focused on what I want from my relationships, romantic and platonic, and I’ve realized that sometimes a group of acquaintances can be better than one very close friend. After all, we all change so much as we’re growing up so I feel like it’s only natural to find different friends for different chapters of life.
- I’m keeping a positive mindset. Everything happens for a reason and maybe this is the shove I need to step out of my comfort zone and make some new friends or try some new hobbies. Was the relationship as good as I thought? Was it always me making the effort? As you get older, it’s easier to learn who you are and what you need from friends and this has been an eye-opening experience for me.