Ghosted Or Broken Up With — Which Is Better?

Ghosted Or Broken Up With — Which Is Better? ©iStock/portishead1

Could getting ghosted be less awkward and painful than going through an actual breakup? I don’t think so. If a guy is going to end things with you, he sure as hell should have the balls to tell you directly that it’s over, no matter how uncomfortable doing so makes him feel.

  1. You deserve closure. Ghosting is a way that a man refuses to give closure. He closes the door without ever letting you know you’ve been kicked out of the room. It’s like reading a book where the author just decided not to write the ending. You’re left in the middle of a story with no answers but a simple demand to close the book.
  2. If he respects you at all, he won’t leave you in the dark. The worst part about being ghosted is knowing that your ghoster has absolutely no respect for you and he probably never did. It taints the entire relationship and rewrites every memory from sweet to sour. You can say that he just didn’t have the courage to face you and he’s definitely a coward but he should have at least had enough respect for you to say something (or anything at all).
  3. You shouldn’t have to wonder if he’s coming back. Breakups are final. When a man breaks up with you and finalizes the end of your relationship, you know that it’s done and over. Being ghosted doesn’t give you that feeling. Instead, you’re left wondering if you’ll ever see him again and whether or not he’s coming back. That’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t be left to wonder because the anxiety and obsession of not knowing what’s next can be an internal torture.
  4. You should always know your relationship status. Are you single? Are you guys still together? Are you still dating or seeing each other or are you allowed to date other people? How long do you wait until you can rightfully start seeing someone else? How many days of no contact does it take to establish you’ve been ghosted? Those are questions that you should never have to ask.
  5. You deserve for him to look you in the eye. Face to face is the only respectful way to end a relationship. He needs to look you in the eye and see the pain that he’s putting you through. If he cares about you at all, he’ll be man enough to let you see his face as he breaks your heart. That way you’ll know that it’s really over and that he won’t come creeping (or haunting) back.
  6. You need an explanation. At the very least, he owes you a conversation. How are you supposed to let him go if you don’t even know where the relationship went wrong? You need to know why things didn’t work out. Why are you still interested when he’s not? Was there something you did wrong? If the only reason is that you’re just not right for each other then he shouldn’t be afraid to explain that.
  7. You can’t learn from mistakes if you don’t know what they are. If you have no idea why the relationship ended, how are you supposed to learn anything from it? Did you do something that made him run for the hills? The dating game is all about trial and error, but if you don’t know why the experiment failed, you’ll never be able to succeed.
  8. You shouldn’t have to waste a second more of your time. If a guy’s not interested anymore then he needs to tell you so you can move on ASAP. Even if he breaks your heart, the sooner you know it’s over, the sooner your heart can heal. You deserve to be able to say goodbye and then start getting over it.
  9. You shouldn’t have to look desperate. You’re texting him like usual and no answer. Did he get the message? Maybe he’s just busy. So you hit him up again and nothing. You don’t know what’s going on or if he’s okay. You care about him so you worry. You can call, text, or even show up at his place but no matter what move you make he’s gone and you’re left looking like the definition of desperate.
  10. You need to know that it’s time to let him go. How are you supposed to let go of a relationship if you don’t realize that it’s over? He disappeared, but is he going to reappear? You need the closure of a proper breakup so you can let go of what was and make room for what might be. You deserve to know exactly when it’s over. You deserve a real breakup.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.