Ghosting Is So Common That I Almost Feel Like Giving Up

Ghosting is one of the worst things to happen to dating. Now, instead of worrying if your date likes you back, you have to worry if they’re going to pretend that you don’t even exist. Even though I’ve gotten ghosted and survived, it’s still not something that I’m okay with. It’s gotten to the point where I expect to get ghosted whenever I meet a new guy and it’s seriously stressing me out:

  1. It feels inevitable. Doesn’t everyone get ghosted these days? That’s definitely what it feels like… and that’s a pretty weird thought. There’s this ridiculous feeling that it’s cool to hide behind a super tiny screen and act like your life is just so busy that you can’t possibly message this person back or tell them the truth. I hate how everyone acts like ghosting is just the way that it is and that no one can stop it. When did we decide that?
  2. It makes it hard to enjoy the first date. Okay, so saying that a first date should be fun kind of sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s supposed to be somewhat enjoyable, right? People don’t go on dates because they want to have the worst time ever. I often find myself wondering the entire time that I’m grabbing a few drinks with someone if they’re going to totally ignore me the second that we leave. Since I’m trying to find someone that I connect with, this doesn’t make for a very stress-free evening.
  3. I have no problem sending texts after a date. I don’t care about gender roles or who should text who first. While I get in theory that if a guy likes me, he’s going to let me know, I don’t mind texting if I had fun. Since I’ll absolutely text guys first, that makes the possibility of getting ghosted even higher.
  4. I’m never sure if I should say I had fun. Ending the first date is a special kind of hell. I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Being scared of getting ghosted means that even if I had fun the first time that I hung out with a new guy, I’m not confident about telling him. What if he says he did too and then I never hear from him again? After a string of dating disappointments, it’s tough to get one more.
  5. I wonder if guys even want girlfriends anymore. I know that they do—a lot of my friends are in happy relationships, and just look at the sea of guys on dating apps and sites. I’ve been ghosted after second and third dates and it makes me kind of nervous about even wanting a relationship.
  6. It makes me rethink every single move I make. It’s tough to make a decision—to text or not to text, to suggest another date or not, to say yes if someone asks me out—when I wonder if I’m going to be totally ignored. When did we decide that ghosting was an okay thing to do? 
  7. My self-confidence has taken a serious dip. Instead of asking myself how I feel about someone, I wonder how they feel about me. I wonder if I texted them, would they respond? If I don’t, will they text me first? Are they even thinking about me? I’m normally pretty secure and happy with who I am, so this isn’t a fun path for me to go down.
  8. It’s impossible to trust anyone. Friends always return text messages, so why should it be any different in dating? Unfortunately, ghosting has become super normal and that makes it impossible to trust anyone. Whenever I go on a first date and a guy tells me that he wants to see me again, it’s hard to believe him, and that honestly sucks.
  9. I wish I didn’t have to give my number out. Exchanging cell numbers is a thing before the first date. It’s practical since texting the guy I’m meeting where I’m sitting in a bar helps him find me and, of course, I want him to have a way to get in touch with me if the date goes well. But what if it doesn’t? Am I going to feel bad about myself if I get rejected? I hate that I have to give my number out and usually expect that I’m not going to hear from him, which is pretty depressing.
  10. It doesn’t seem necessary. As far as I’m concerned, a guy should be straight-up with me. He should keep asking me out… or tell me that he doesn’t feel a romantic connection. Either way, as long as he’s honest, I can move on. Ghosting just doesn’t seem like a necessary part of the dating process and I totally hate that it’s a thing.
  11. I’ve made a pact with myself to never ghost again. I’ll admit it: I used to ghost. I thought it was no big deal. I figured that people should just realize that not everyone likes everyone and that’s that. But I recently had an epiphany of sorts and decided that just because some members of my generation can’t really behave doesn’t mean that I have to do the same thing. From now on, I’m not going to ghost. I’m going to be friendly and polite and honest and hope to be treated the same way. It’s really the only way to get through this weird AF thing called dating.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.