Girl Code: 20 Things Good Friends Do And Don’t Do

No matter how old you are, one thing that will never cease to exist is girl code. For girlfriends to maintain harmony in relationships, there are certain things we need to do — and other things we have to stay away from, for the love of God! Here are 20 things good friends do and don’t do.

  1. DO be supportive, no matter what. You don’t always have to agree with your friends, but you do need to support them. Whether they’re going through a break up or going blonde for the first time, support their choices if they aren’t harmful.
  2. DO make time when they need to talk. We live in a time when it’s cool to glorify how busy we are. While you may actually be busy, the point of having friends is to be there for them through the good, the bad and everything in between, and chances are, your friends will want to gab about all of the above. No matter how busy you actually are, it’s important to carve out some time to talk.
  3. DO encourage them. Life can be scary, and it can be terrifying to leave something or try something new. Let your friends know that you’re there for them (cue Friends theme song) and that they can do whatever they put their mind to.
  4. DO tell them the truth, even if it hurts. While sometimes we all want to hear that the boy that broke our heart will realize his mistake and come running back to us, those kinds of well-intentioned little lies don’t help anyone. A true friend is someone who will tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. It’s better for everyone in the long run.
  5. DO accentuate the positives. We all go through periods of our lives where it seems like everything is spiraling out of control and no one bothered to give us the memo. While it can feel like nothing is going right for your friends in the midst of this cyclone, it’s important to remind them of all of the good things going on in their lives – no matter how little.
  6. DO help them be the best version of themselves. If you know you have a friend struggling with something, offer to help. Just as important, don’t be a distraction or even worse, toxic. If you know you have a pal with a huge presentation due tomorrow, don’t try to convince her to come to Margarita Monday. Be your friends’ cheerleader, not their enabler.
  7. DO realize that friendships are reciprocal. You can put all of the effort you want into your friendship, but like all relationships, they are a two-way street. If you’re giving exponentially more than you’re getting, it might be time to re-evaluate that friendship.
  8. DO plan dates with your friends. It’s just as important to keep things fresh with your friends as it is with your romances. You can easily get into a rut watching reruns of Scandal and ordering takeout. Make plans to get out of your comfort zone and try something new or dress up and go to the new restaurant in your neighborhood. You’ll either have an adventure or won’t feel so bad next time you watch Olitz.
  9. DO make sure to laugh. What’s the point of friendship without laughter? It’s important to laugh during the happy and sad times, and hopefully you have your friends by your side during both. Remember to have fun! You’re making memories together.
  10. DO realize how hard it is to find real friends and treasure yours. Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If your friends have been in your life for a while, it probably means they’re pretty solid and have your back. Let them know you appreciate them and make sure to let go of the little things.
  11. DON’T talk behind their backs. They’ll always find out. I repeat, they will always find out. If you don’t want something getting back to your friends that you said, don’t say it. Yes, everyone lets off a little steam about their friends every now and again, but once you start talking about them, you need to be aware of the repercussions.
  12. DON’T spill their secrets to anyone… even strangers. If you’re in the circle of trust, don’t break it. It doesn’t matter if the person your sharing your friends’ secrets with knows them or not. It’s a betrayal and a violation of their privacy and you probably wouldn’t want your most intimate secrets shared with anyone, even if you were never going to meet them.
  13. DON’T consistently break plans. Consistent flakiness is a turn-off. If you make plans with your friend, keep them unless a true emergency arises. If you don’t, it’ll only be a matter of time before they stop attempting to make plans anymore.
  14. DON’T prioritize your relationship over your friendships. Yes, you need to spend quality time with your boyfriend, but if you put all of your eggs in the boyfriend basket, what happens if you (gasp) break up one day? You can’t expect your friendships to be there if you didn’t nurture them at all while you were off in boyfriend land. Try to put effort into both even though spending time with the boy is much more tempting.
  15. DON’T compete with them. You’re friends, not competitors. Don’t intentionally go after what they want or have. That’s just plain slimy.
  16. DON’T kick them when they’re down. Pretty self-explanatory, no? If your friends are going through tough times and you don’t have anything nice or helpful to say, it’s probably best to stay silent.
  17. DON’T even think about one of their exes. No, no, no Bad idea. You may think that this guy is the love of your life, but he’s not. The relationship most likely won’t work out, and you can count on your friendship being over if you pursue an ex.
  18. DON’T tell them it will be okay if it won’t. You might want to comfort your friends during a trying time, but it’s also important not go give them false hope. Try to help them find a silver lining without giving them false expectations.
  19. DON’T write them off after one disagreement. It’s easy to be done with someone after an argument, but what happens when you disagree with and then drop your next friend and the next? Learn to move on peacefully and like Elsa says, “Let it go.”
  20. DON’T ever judge them. You probably wouldn’t do a lot of things your friends do and they wouldn’t do things the way you do them. That’s the point. If we all did things the exact same way our friends did we wouldn’t need them because we could hang out with ourselves. Embrace and respect their differences in their behavior and actions.
Abby Stern grew up in New Orleans and is now an actress, screenwriter, and blogger (who isn't?) trying to keep it real in Los Angeles. She also writes for FabFitFun and contributes to various blogs detailing her unique perspective on dating and twenty-something life in Hollywood. Gwyneth Paltrow is her spirit animal and in her free time, Abby enjoys Bellinis and plotting to steal unattended Birkin bags. Follow her on Twitter: @abbystern