I’m The Girl Who Tries To Fix Men—Here’s What I’ve Learned

Sometimes it’s difficult not to give into my maternal instincts when I come across crying babies, sick puppies, or even damaged men. I love to be the savior when I see the people around me in a state of despair, but after trying (and failing) to fix emotionally screwed up guys, I’ve learned that it’s not always the best approach. Hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes.

  1. They absorb all of your positive energy, which leaves you drained. You only have so much “juice” to rely on. When you become overly consumed by trying to fuel someone else’s fire, it’s easy to burn out quickly. Consistently offering emotional support and not receiving the same in return is sure to deplete your energy levels completely. You might think these guys appreciate your kindness but they really don’t.  The only thing these leeches are doing is sucking up all of your good vibes, leaving you with zero mental capacity to focus on your own well-being.
  2. You convince yourself they need you when in fact they don’t. The words “please help me” have never escaped their lips, yet you take it upon yourself to play the role of guidance counselor. You wholeheartedly believe that without your comfort and support, there’s no way they could go on. I can guarantee you that the relationship is entirely one-sided at this point, and they’re most likely taking advantage of you. They like having you around because they’re being showered with attention, but if you were to disappear tomorrow, they probably wouldn’t give your lack of presence a second thought.
  3. You’re not the exception to the rule. Being a romantic isn’t a problem unless you’ve lost all common sense and are living in a made-up fairytale version of your life, ignoring reality. If the issue you’re struggling with right now is wishful thinking, wake up. Wanting to meet your Prince Charming so badly means that you might be projecting that fantasy on undeserving guys. Every time you convince yourself that you’re the one that could change them, you’re selling yourself short.
  4. They need to fix themselves. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Same goes for men who may genuinely like you but can’t commit due to past traumas. Nothing you do will change their minds. No matter how understanding, patient, or perfect you appear to be, they have to make that decision on their own and when they’re ready. The more you try to influence their choices, the more they’ll come to resent you.
  5. The less space you give them, the more they’ll pull away. You might think that always being around will somehow sway their opinion of you and your position in their lives, but this never works. The more you hover around them, randomly show up at their usual spots or persistently try to make plans they’re uninterested in, the more they’ll back away from you. There’s a fine line between trying to be companionable and backing someone into a corner. If it’s obvious they’re starting to feel stuck, then it’s time to loosen the grip and let them come to you.
  6. They’ll take their good ol’ time coming around. If you’ve been open about your feelings and they’re aware of your emotional state, the situation can either go one of two ways: either they’ll chew on it for a bit and finally give into their feelings or they’ll take their precious time coming to a conclusion. In most cases, they’ll probably choose the latter. Since you’ve made it clear that you’re not going anywhere, they’re not in any rush to lock it down. Always being there for these guys might seem like the right thing to do, but if it’s starting to interfere with your emotional needs then something’s gotta give. Take a step back and see how they adjust to your absence.
  7. They’ll take you for granted. Doing nice things for people is great… when they don’t just expect you to do it for them. The more you keep going out of your way for them, the more they’ll think this is the norm. Instead of appreciating your thoughtfulness, they’ll assume it’s part of the package deal. They most likely rely on you to put in all of the effort, knowing they won’t have to do anything in return. When this happens, it’s a clear sign to cut them off and find someone who values your good heart.
  8. They won’t see you as an independent woman. The more you let your life revolve around these guys and their well-being, the more they’ll presume that you’re not able to live a life of your own or focus on your own personal prosperity. They’ll fail to see you as your own person since they only know you to cling to their lives. To be blunt, once they start believing that you’re completely dependent on them, their affections and their decisions, they won’t be able to see you as anything else.
  9. They’ll ultimately waste your time. I know you probably wanted an optimistic ending. But when it comes to damaged men, there usually isn’t one. You’ll put all of your blood, sweat, and tears into something that was doomed from the start. You may find a silver lining in the whole affair and you might even learn a lesson or two. Mostly, though, you’ll realize that your time was wasted on someone who didn’t deserve you. Next time around, you’ll know what you want out of a relationship and you’ll look for someone who is able to give you what you need emotionally.