We’re evolving all the time, which means that the relationships we have need to adapt too because we won’t always be the same people we were when we formed them. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or romantic partner, sometimes these relationships weaken over time and people who were all-in at one point suddenly become part-timers. I’m not cool with that.
Consistency is important to me.
I’m not down with people who dip in and out of my life whenever it’s convenient for them. Sure, I appreciate that people are busy and life gets in the way sometimes, but if I’m always waiting for a text back from them, they can forget it. I want people in my life who don’t need an explanation of everything that’s been going on in my life for the last six months because they’ve been MIA for the past six months. I make an effort to check in regularly with the people I care about and they should too.
We don’t need to be in touch 24/7 but it only takes a few seconds to send a text.
As we get older, our priorities change, especially as we start settling down, advancing in our careers and/or having kids. The time that we once had to grow and maintain all the relationships in our lives is now very limited. I accept that I might not be able to catch up with my favorite people as much as I’d like, and I don’t need constant communication, but it’s nice to know that they’re there should I need to call upon them.
This isn’t a one-way street.
It’s when “friends” get distracted and expect you to understand every time they drop you for a new boyfriend, for example, that I really have a problem. I’m not a service station for people to just call in at every time they need gas. I’m a human being with needs, and what I need is for the people in my life to respect that this is a two-way relationship and that they can’t just pick and choose to have me in their lives whenever it’s convenient for them.
I need to know that I matter.
If someone’s not willing to make effort with me on a regular basis, then it’s pretty obvious how they really feel about me. How do I know that? Because there are people in my life who treat me just as well as I treat them and who I can tell genuinely give a damn about my well-being. These are the people who drop everything to call me if I’m feeling upset, the people who constantly try and meet up with me so we can catch up, and the people who let me into their lives just as much as I let them into mine. Those are the people I want to give my time to, not part-timers.
I’m saving space in my life for only the best people.
I know what I want out of life and, more importantly, who I want in my life: people who have my back. I barely have time to fit everything into my hectic schedule as it is, nevermind wasting my time on people who don’t deserve it. From here on out, only the best people are welcome.
I’m not willing to give part-timers the benefit of the doubt anymore.
There have been times in the past that I’ve held onto half-assed friends or partners, adamant that they were going to start changing their ways and actually start acting like they gave a crap. Spoiler alert: it never happened and I won’t do it anymore. I’ve lost my patience over the years. I no longer have any tolerance for BS.
Attitude counts for a lot.
If someone isn’t that great at being fully present and engaged but they’re actively trying to improve, that’s a totally different situation. I appreciate people who make an effort and I understand that there aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes. We all end up being part-timers at some point because things happen that we don’t expect and can’t predict. However, it’s how we handle these types of situations that says everything. For example, if a close family member has to move away with their job and suddenly isn’t around all that much, they can’t control that. If they’re still checking in and apologetic about not being around much, that’s totally forgivable.
I give 100% most of the time, therefore I deserve 100% back.
I’m a strong believer in the idea you get out of life what you put in. If I’m giving my relationships my heart and soul, I want the same courtesy extended to me. I get that we both might not be able to give 100% all the time because other things get in the way, but things should be more or less equal most of the time.
I’m not getting any younger.
I might have had the time and energy to sustain part-time relationships in the past, but I’m over that now. In fact, I’m not getting any younger. If I’ve given someone 50 million chances to be a better friend/partner and it’s still not happening, then it’s time for me to say goodbye.
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