I’m not saying a guy who doesn’t have a job is a loser, but if he’s been unemployed for a while, it’s a red flag. I won’t stop dating him but I will want to know why he’s unemployed and that he’s actively looking for a job. An unemployed guy I dated just kept on losing his jobs and expecting handouts, and that’s drama I don’t want in my life again.
It causes relationship havoc.
The guy I was dating was always jealous of my work. When I had to leave his place early to go work, he’d have a snide comment or he’d get down on himself, saying something like, “I used to be ambitious.” It just made me feel uncomfortable and often, it felt like he was jealous.
It can be a “rough patch” that never ends.
That same guy said he was going through a tough time in his life, and I felt sorry for him. However, the rough patch never ended and he never took responsibility for it. He was turning jobs away that were “beneath him” when he really just didn’t want to work. Loser. So, if a guy does similar things, I’m not going to waste my time on him.
It makes it hard to have a social life.
If I’m the one paying for all our dates, it makes it really hard to keep a relationship going. With my ex, we just ended up staying home all the time because he felt emasculated by not being able to pay for anything. I don’t need to go out all the time but I also don’t want to feel like we can’t do anything.
It’s not about being a gold digger.
I really don’t care about how much money a man has or how much he earns but having a job is what’s important. It’s about being with someone who’s ambitious, has life goals, and makes things happen for himself.
Work is linked to self-esteem.
My ex had zero self-confidence and I totally understood why. He felt useless as an unemployed man and while I really tried to show him that he had so many great personality traits, he didn’t have a purpose and I couldn’t give him that.
I want commitment, not expensive gifts.
I don’t care if a guy doesn’t have money to buy me fancy things—please, I can buy them for myself—but I do want a guy who’s responsible and committed. If a guy’s running out of his jobs and unable to maintain a career, that’s a huge red flag. He’s not the kind of guy who’ll commit to a relationship.
I want blood, sweat, and tears.
I work damn hard and want a guy who’s on the same level. When we’re both working on our dreams, this means that we’ll be able to support each other. It’s really hard to get support from a guy who’s not ambitious and doesn’t want to look for a job. How is he supposed to understand what I’m going through or that work’s important to me?
This stuff is old.
I’m in my 30s and the guys I date tend to be around the same age. If a guy’s unemployed with no career prospects on the horizon at this stage in his life, it raises questions. Why did he end up in this place? Is he bad with money? Is he not interested in making something of himself?
I don’t want it to get weird.
The guy I dated would ask me for money and it would feel really weird, like he was taking advantage of me. It wasn’t a nice feeling and sometimes made me feel like I was his mother handing him an allowance. That’s definitely not a recipe for a good relationship.
It makes the future uncertain.
I know there aren’t any guarantees for the future—people lose their jobs and things happen—but if the guy’s been unemployed for a long time, will he ever get back on his feet? I need to focus on the future and what it’ll be like staying with someone like that. I don’t want to be paying for everything and funding our future or helping him along. I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, not his life coach or psychologist.
I end up carrying the emotional burden.
I often felt really bad for the guy I dated because he struggled to get work. I used to help him find jobs, go with him to interviews, and cheer him on but nothing worked. He didn’t want to get a job and it was really draining to be around him. Even if a guy does want to work, it’s not easy to find a job and he’ll probably still experience lots of drama, depression, and more that I’d have to deal with as his partner. If I’ve been dating a guy for a long time and he loses his job, he’s got my support, but giving all my support to a guy I’ve just met who doesn’t have a job? It’s risky.
He needs his own life.
My unemployed ex spent his days at home, hanging out and being lazy AF. He tried to make me his world because he had nothing else and that was scary. I wanted him to have his own life outside of the relationship. That’s really important to create balance and a healthy relationship.
I don’t want a guy whose head is constantly in the clouds.
I’ve known a few men who didn’t have jobs because they were holding out for the perfect career or thought they could quit their good jobs and start some successful startup overnight. They had their heads in the clouds and depended on family or partners to help them along. It’s irresponsible. I want a guy who dreams but has his feet firmly planted on the ground. How else can we have a stable future if he doesn’t?
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