I Give A Lot In Relationships—If A Guy Can’t Match That, He Can’t Be With Me

I’m a generous and open partner but I expect the same in return from the guys I date. It might sound harsh, but if a man can’t give me what I give him, the relationship’s over. Here are 12 reasons I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

  1. He could be checking out. Why stick around with a guy who’s not giving me what I need? It’s usually a sign the guy’s checking out of the relationship and changing his mind about me. Staying with him will just delay the inevitable heartbreak.
  2. It’s not “crazy” to want commitmentI know we’re living in a hookup culture, but I’m after a real, committed relationship. Guys might call me “crazy” for wanting this, but I’m not going to let that lower my standards. If a guy doesn’t want the same thing, he’ll show me by not giving me what he gets from me. Thanks, dude!
  3. I want a guy who’s there for everything. I don’t want a guy who’s going to bolt the minute bad times come our way. That’s a man-child. I want a man who’s going to stick around for the good and bad. That’s the grand display of love I’m after. If a guy’s lazy during the good times, I’m bolting because he won’t be making an effort when a storm hits, guaranteed!
  4. I don’t give second chances. I refuse to turn a blind eye to a guy’s crappy behavior. I deserve more than that. If he’s wasting my time, giving me mixed messages, or just taking all my goodness and not returning the favor, he’s a bad guy and I won’t see a good enough reason to stay.
  5. I won’t be lonely in a relationship. There’s nothing worse than being lonely in a relationship. I’ve been there and it sucks. I felt like I was the only one putting in any work and trying to keep the relationship on track. Meanwhile, my partner was flying solo. It was messed up. I’d rather be on my own.
  6. He’s got to show real interest. I know that the honeymoon phase ends but it shouldn’t kill off all the romance and affection. I’m a passionate person and want a partner who is too. If he’s not then we’re too different to make a relationship work. I refuse to date someone who doesn’t show me that he finds me attractive and loves me, weeks, months, and years after we’ve got together. Hell, it should come standard.
  7. I’m a priority. If I’m someone’s girlfriend, they’d better show me that I’m Number One. I refuse to be seen as an option, something they can either take or leave. That’s BS. I want a real love that lasts long into the future, not something convenient that’s guaranteed to expire. Hell no. If a guy wants me, he’s got to show me that he sees me in his life in the long-term. I’m not wasting my time.
  8. It’s about knowing he can lose me. There has to be some fear in a relationship—the fear that you could lose your partner if you don’t treat them right. If I love someone, I’ll show him and earn his love. I damn well expect him to do the same. If he acts like he can push his luck and do the bare minimum to keep me around, he’s got another thing coming.
  9. What he doesn’t do speaks volumes. When a guy says something but doesn’t do it, that’s a huge red flag for me. For instance, he might claim to love me but then not make me feel loved. Or, he might claim to want a future with me but then make plans for his own future without me in it. If his words don’t match up to his actions, he’s not giving me enough. I’m out.
  10. He’s either in or out. Life’s too short to live in the “maybe” lane. I take relationships seriously and I want to know that my partner’s 100 percent committed because I’m giving that and more. If he’s taking from me but never actually stepping up, he’s really saying he doesn’t love me enough. Period.
  11. If he can’t give me what he gets, I have every right to give up on him.  Love is great and all, but I need to be realistic about things. My love is valuable as gold and will only be given to someone who really deserves and appreciates it. Those are my standards. Walking away from a guy who can’t meet them isn’t “giving up on the relationship”—it’s giving myself the chance of happiness elsewhere. That’s my right!
  12. I have a low BS tolerance. Guys who drag their heels when it comes to defining the relationship need to GTFO of my life because they’re just stringing me along. I don’t have time for them. I need to feel secure in a relationship and know that my boyfriend and I are headed in the same direction from the start, otherwise, there’s no way in hell I can be happy. And if I’m not happy in a relationship, I’m accepting BS. My life’s too precious for that.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
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