Giving Him A Second Chance Is One Thing, Letting Him Walk All Over You Is Another

Can a guy really change? If he’s so in love with you and you trust him enough to believe he wants to be a better man, maybe it’s worth giving him a chance. But another chance isn’t the same thing as an unlimited offer—you need limits to protect yourself. Here are 13 examples of when giving him another chance shouldn’t be an option.

  1. He’s wasted all his chances. You’ve given him so many chances that you’re exhausted AF. He’s still acting like an immature jerk or causing you to feel you can’t trust him. You’re left in limbo, wasting your time on a total loser.
  2. He knows how to word it. He’s going to be a better man. He loves you so much he wants to be the perfect boyfriend. Yup, you’ve heard all that crap before. The guy knows how to talk about his grand plans to be with you but he never actually makes it happen. Ugh.
  3. He’s going through a tough time (again). Anyone can go through a really stressful time in their lives and that’s no reason to ditch them, but if he’s become defined by that tough time that never seems to end and quite honestly feels self-imposed, it’s not worth your time to stay.
  4. He’s motivated by love alone. Sure, it’s great to think that his love for you will make him a better boyfriend, but stop dreaming! If he’s not motivated by more than love, such as a real desire to have a better life for himself, then your love bubble’s about to burst.
  5. He’s taking advantage of you. It feels like he’s always got the “I love you” excuse handy when you bust him for bad behavior. How convenient. Often, it’s like he’s just manipulating you or taking advantage of you for his own selfishness. This isn’t a guy who needs a chance. He needs a kick up the butt!
  6. You’re turning into someone you don’t recognize. Instead of seeing a positive change in him, you’re the one who’s changing—in a bad way. People notice that you’re not your usual lively, happy self. You look tired and depressed. When you start taking on his drama and it’s weighing you down, that’s when you know that you’ve got to stop giving him chances.
  7. He’s never ready for more. He wants to be with you but it’s still too early to say those three words, become official, date exclusively, or meet his family. But he promises you he still wants to be with you. What? Forget that he likes you—notice that he’s never making you a priority. Bye!
  8. You’re making him something he’s not. You might be trying to make him someone he’s not, like he’s a DIY boyfriend. A guy doesn’t just become what you want—he either is or isn’t. If he’s not the guy you really want, he’s certainly not going to become that, no matter how much you try. Rather face the reality and save yourself the disappointment of giving him another chance.
  9. You’re hurting yourself. You give him the benefit of the doubt and really try to save the relationship, but you’re actually in a toxic situation because you’re stressed, anxious, and depressed. You should never trade your happiness for a guy. It will never give you more happiness—rather, it’ll destroy any happiness you already had before he came along.
  10. You don’t feel special. He shouldn’t change for you (that never lasts long) but he should make it clear that you’re an important part of his life. He should care enough about you that he doesn’t lead you on or make you feel like you’re just a bridge to get him into a better situation. You’re supposed to be his chosen one, not just during his bad times but for his great ones too. If you’re not feeling those vibes, don’t stay with him. You can do so much better.
  11. You ignore what he’s really like. It’s great to give someone a chance to show you what they’re made of, but then believe them when they do! Here’s an opportunity for you to see what they’re really like. Use that info to suss out if he’s someone you should have in your life or if he’s going to use up all his chances and leave you heartbroken.
  12. If he treats you like crap, he doesn’t deserve another chanceHe can’t blame his rough patch, difficult job, or hard AF rehab for why he’s treating you so badly. I’m sorry, but a guy who doesn’t appreciate you needs to GTFO of your life and you shouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt for sending him packing. Ever.
  13. You’re broken. A man who really loves you will make you stand tall and proud. He won’t make you feel like you’re chopped down to your knees because he’s always breaking you down with his drama. If you feel embarrassed, less confident, or pathetic for letting him back in, those are signs you’re too good for him and he doesn’t deserve a chance to be in your life.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.