Why Giving Your Ex Another Chance Is A Terrible Idea

Why Giving Your Ex Another Chance Is A Terrible Idea ©iStock/BraunS

Breakups are tough. Whether things were just getting off the ground or it was a long-term relationship that you thought would last forever, it’s hard to accept when things unceremoniously crash and burn right before your eyes. Even if you know it wasn’t the right fit, you tend to get nostalgic and remember more of the good memories than the bad, making it tempting to relapse rather than moving on to something better. You may want to believe he’s changed and take him back, but there are several logical reasons to just let it go instead of falling back into that trap.

  1. His remorse is going to wear off. You’re not the only one who’s seeing more of the positives of the relationship than the negatives post-breakup. If he’s come as far as asking you for another chance, he’s been looking through those remorse goggles for a little while and forgotten why he felt the need to dump you in the first place. Unfortunately, whatever his reasons were for breaking up with you, they didn’t magically go away and it’s likely that he’ll crush you again just as soon as the goggles wear off.
  2. He had no problem hurting you, and that’s not okay. If he had major issues with you that were undeniably legitimate, he probably wouldn’t want you back — that’s just common sense. If he’s trying to get you back, it means that his reasoning for breaking up with you was probably really silly and shallow. It also means that, despite how silly and shallow his reasoning was, he had no qualms about breaking your heart over something so petty. Don’t give him the opportunity to hurt you again; you know you deserve better.
  3. The relationship wasn’t perfect on your end, either. It can be tough to admit, but sometimes people do us a favor by ending relationships that aren’t right. We’re tempted to stick with it even if it’s less than perfect, as long as his flaws are bearable. When the other person initiates the breakup, you’re free to own up to the aspects of the relationship that weren’t right and adjust your expectations for future relationships. Enjoy your new-found freedom and move on, because you may meet someone 10 times better tomorrow and you’ll actually be free to get to know him.
  4. He may be trying to keep you on the back burner as his other prospects fizzle out. If one of his reasons for ending the relationship was that he found someone else, then suddenly he’s decided he wants you back, it’s not a coincidence or a miraculous realization of love. It means that he’s not getting the new booty he was counting on, so he’s attempting to keep you on the hook and guarantee that he can get laid whenever he wants. The other possibility is that he is getting the new booty but he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Don’t fall for this douchebag’s plan to play you; you deserve better.
  5. Unlike romantic comedies, commitment issues don’t just go away in real life. I love romantic comedies, but they’re terribly unrealistic. Sure, it would be great if the noncommittal player actually did have a momentous realization of love and decide he wants a monogamous relationship or marriage, but that very rarely happens. If you take the opportunity to move on and meet someone who was never a player to begin with, you have a 100% chance of not dating a player.
  6. The trust has already been broken. When you were dating this guy, you had a certain level of trust for him. When he broke your heart, he also broke your trust, and trust can’t be repaired with a simple apology. If you throw a plate on the ground and smash it into a hundred pieces, then look down at it and say you’re sorry, does the plate go back to being whole? No, it doesn’t, because the damage is already done.
  7. As a general rule, people don’t change. He may say he’s changed and act like a perfect little angel for the first week or so of your reunion, but his true colors will show themselves again as soon as he’s once again comfortable with you. If he was a player or had a bad temper, those traits are still there. Only you can protect yourself from enduring the same heartbreak all over again, by being strong enough to move on and leave him in the past where he belongs.
Anna Martin Yonk is a freelance writer and blogger in sunny North Carolina. She loves hanging out with her goofy husband and two rescue dogs and can be found at the beach with a drink in hand whenever possible. You can find her on Instagram @mrsyonkdogmom or on her Facebook page.