Giving Up Your Independence Is A Great Way To Blow Up Your Relationship

You were a single independent woman killing it all on your own for a long time, but now you’ve met someone you really like and you’re finally in a relationship. It’s great that you have a partner in crime to share your life with but that doesn’t mean you should give up your badass self-sufficiency. Make sure you’re still making time to do these things on your own:

  1. Maintain your friendships. You can’t just let the special bond you share with your girlfriends fade away the second you have a new guy. Your girls are just as important now as they were when you were single, perhaps even more so (especially if you want them to be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong). Make sure they know that you love and appreciate them and still have time for them. No friend likes to feel forgotten and if you really want to keep your independence, you have to keep your friends first.
  2. Manage your time. Don’t let yourself become one of those girls who doesn’t do anything or won’t go anywhere without her boyfriend. You have time to have a life outside of your relationship. You might work full-time, but you should still have time for your friends, family and every other aspect of your life. Just remember, being busy should never hold you back from the people who truly matter.
  3. Have other hobbies, passions, and priorities. There should always be more to your life than just your relationship. You need friends, your family, a career and even a hobby that you’re truly passionate about. When someone asks about your life, you should have more to talk about than just what’s going on with your relationship. You’re more than some man’s girlfriend — don’t ever forget it.
  4. Never lose sense of who you are. You’re not two halves of a whole. You are your own complete person. So don’t let the fact that you’re in a relationship allow you to lose sight of that individuality. If you can’t be yourself and love yourself for exactly the person you are then you’re already depending on a man to define you.
  5. Make your own decisions. At the end of the day, you need to make sure that you’re still in control of your life. Your boyfriend doesn’t get to tell you what to do, who to see or where to go. Your life is still your life. So if you want to keep your independence, you need to be a big girl and make your own damn decisions. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take him into consideration for the big stuff or that you shouldn’t be willing to compromise, just not at the expensse of your own happiness and well-being.
  6. Don’t be afraid to call him on his BS. Standing up for yourself is a fundamental part of keeping your independence in any relationship. If your boyfriend isn’t treating you right, then you can’t just allow him to walk all over you. Be the strong woman that you were when you were single because if you want to be treated right, you have to call him on his crap.
  7. Never associate your self-worth with your relationship. If you broke up tomorrow, you would still be an amazing woman. Your friends know that, but do you? You can’t let the fact that you have a man in your life give you worth. You are so much more than a girl standing next to some guy, so make sure you realize how great you are as is and remember that having a boyfriend is just a bonus.
  8. Don’t fear going back to the single life. If you did it once, you could do it again. You can’t ever allow yourself to feel like you don’t have other options. Even if you love him, if he doesn’t treat you right, you always have a way out. Never forget that he’s not your only chance at love. You may not have another man waiting for you if things don’t work out but no matter what, you’ll always have yourself.
  9. Be your own source of happiness. Get rid of the idea that any man could make you happy. Happiness comes from within, so don’t let him become the only good part of your life. He can’t solve your problems and he can’t fix depression. If you want to be happy and independent, that’s up to you.
  10. Make sure you always want him but don’t need him. If he left you high and dry tomorrow, would you be okay? Maybe not emotionally, but could you live? Could you survive the world without him? Could you make your own money, work your same job, and have friends to lean on? Sure, you might not want to live without him, but the true mark of independence is knowing that if you had to make it on your own, you could.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.