Vacations are a time for unwinding. You’re off work, mimosas are standard, and you’re basically living life on a whim. Visiting a tropical location by myself (highly recommend this, by the way) was the getaway that gave me the reboot I needed but also made me realize I’m much better off single.
I felt limitless. I had taken several vacations with my boyfriend over the years and I had never felt this way before. He was the type that stuck to the standard tourist attractions, only going to the most popular landmarks and never straying off the beaten path. With this trip, there was no place I couldn’t explore and tons of new people to meet. I didn’t have to compromise on what bland activity was up next and I felt relieved about this aspect alone. The possibilities were endless.
He was the last thing on my mind. I often forgot to check in, didn’t feel the urge to share what new adventures I’d been on, and he was always the last person I thought about talking to most of the days I was away. He wasn’t that much of a priority when your boyfriend is typically one of the first people you want to share things with. Not the case for me.
This wasn’t premeditated at all. At least I don’t think so. Before leaving for my trip, we were fine. He even dropped me off at the airport and our departure was quite pleasant. But as soon as I stepped off the plane, there was a shift in energy (I’m really into natural vibrations, energy, all that good stuff) and although I didn’t initially relate this shift back to him, I could just feel a change coming.
I felt reconnected to myself. It was like a new set of independence. Here I was having the time of my life without my partner. It was almost like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Initially I felt guilty about this, but once I accepted it, I knew what I had to do. The first notion wasn’t that a breakup needed to happen, but I knew once I got home there were some things that would need to change.
Seeing other couples didn’t make me feel like I was missing out. And I saw lots everywhere I went—at dinner, walking on the beach hand and hand, and even snuggled up at the bar (yeah, those type of couples). Despite all the love and gushiness around me, I was perfectly content being by lonesome. I was more than content, in fact.
This was all on me and I was up for the challenge. This newfound independence was exhilarating. Usually I’m timid about being in new places, especially alone, but not this time around. I’d gotten so used to using my boyfriend as a crutch, it wasn’t really apparent anymore what my personal likes and dislikes were or how I was interested in spending my responsibility-free vacation time. He was the one that decided where we would go and I just went along with it. With no one in my way, it was all up to me to set the tone of the trip and I started it with a bang.
I FaceTimed my dog more than him. True story. He would answer the call but no more than a minute into the conversation, my attention would be directed back to what my furry baby was up to. When he would try and interrupt, I would quickly revert the conversation back to “Did you give him a treat after his walk” or “Was the neighbor’s dog out today?”
This time alone was long overdue. Before getting serious with my soon-to-be-ex, I’d just gotten out of a pretty serious long-term relationship, and before that an even longer one. The route I was taking with this trip made me realize I’d never really gotten that time alone that one desperately needs. Going from one relationship to the next, never really having that moment to get back in touch with myself, made it more apparent than ever this was the time in my life that I needed to be alone and no one was going to get in the way of that.
No souvenirs were purchased for him. This solidified everything for me. Not even a keychain. Not even a shot glass! It wasn’t me trying to be mean or not thoughtful, but my mind was so wrapped up on other things and the wonderful time I was having. As sad as it sounds, I simply forgot about him.
There was a shift in my attitude. With him not being in my presence, I felt a lot calmer and at ease. Yes, the beautiful scenery I was waking up to had something to do with this, but I knew that wasn’t just it. This feeling was something I wanted to hold on to and knew I could only keep if I made the unexpected drastic change of removing him from my life, whether it be temporary or permanent. It’s safe to say I haven’t looked back since.
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