Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re just having a rough patch with your partner or if you two just aren’t a good match. Especially when you’re in the heat of it, it’s difficult to parse out what is what. It’s especially hard when emotions are heightened. Here’s a mix of questions that may help to determine whether you should stay together or split up.
- Are your issues something you can work through? Do you think that the problems you’re having are something you two might be able to work through or do you think that they’re going to be the end of you two? This can often be answered by taking a good look at the problems between you two. Think about how they’ve historically been worked out (or not) in your past.
- Are you experiencing positive emotions with this person? This is an important question because it’s good to see if there are still happy moments between you both. Are you still having fun together despite the difficulties you’ve been going through? Some smiles may be a chance that it’s just a rough patch. None at all may indicate a bad match.
- Are you being treated right? Is your partner treating you with the respect, care, and love that you deserve? Or, do you feel mistreated, like your partner doesn’t know how to treat you right? This is an important thing to think about when considering whether it’s a bad match or rough patch.
- Are your needs being met? At the end of the day do you feel as if you’re getting all of what you need from this person and the relationship? Perhaps temporarily there are some things missing, but how does it feel on the whole? If it feels like your needs are being met, it could just be a rough patch. Though if you feel as if your needs just aren’t being met this is bad news bears.
- Are you in love with this person or the person you wish they were? A deeper question, this is challenging to answer. Are you just desiring that they were someone different and you’re in love with the idea of them? Or, are you actually in love with the person standing before you?
- Are you seeing serious character flaws in your partner? Red flags aren’t just reserved for early dating. They also can happen when you’re deep in a relationship. You can see red flags or behavior going downhill. For example, maybe your partner has picked up a mean drinking habit and it isn’t something you’re feeling is a good idea to stick around for.
- Are you both willing to work through the troubles? This question alone isn’t enough to answer all of your problems. You could both be willing to work through things and it could still be a bad match. Nonetheless, if there’s any chance that it’s only a difficult patch then it’ll be important to see if you’re both up for doing the work it’ll take.
- Is this relationship bringing out the best in you? Have you changed since the two of you have been together? Has it been for the good or for the bad? A solid relationship will bring out the best in you and you’ll know it whereas a relationship that’s falling apart will bring out negative parts of you that you didn’t even know existed.
- Should it be this much work? The answer isn’t an automatic “no.” It could be that your answer is “yes, it should be this much work.” Maybe you feel like it’s totally worth all of the work to be with this person. On the other hand, it may very much be a “no, it’s not worth all this work.” In this case, you know your answer. It isn’t a good match.
- Do you want to still be with your partner? Maybe there’s this little voice inside of you that’s telling you what it wants. It could be saying that you two belong together and you should work it out. It could also say that this is definitely the wrong person and it’s time to GTFO. Tune into that little voice, don’t shut it out.
- Are you fighting all of the time? This can be a tell-tale sign that you two just aren’t right for each other. If you’re constantly down each other’s throats and you can’t seem to get along, that’s probably a signal that something’s seriously wrong. Good matches don’t fight obscene amounts.
- Is there still love and care between you two? Perhaps there’s nothing but animosity. The fighting has gotten to be too much and the love has seemed to fall away. On the other hand, there may be a whole bunch of love and care despite the difficulties. Only you can decide what the answer to this question is.
- Is there room for compromise? Do you feel as if everything is too far gone or can you both sit down and compromise? Being willing to compromise is tremendously important as no one can have everything that they want. A relationship is about coming to terms with what the other person wants and making space for it in your life while also getting your needs met. If you can’t do this, there’s no relationship to be had.
- How would I feel about my someone you love being in this situation? If you have warm and fuzzy feelings, this is a good sign. If your stomach tightens and you start to feel nauseous, this is bad news. Picturing how you would feel if a loved one was in your situation is a great way to extract the truth about your situation. Sometimes it’s easier to see clearly for others than for ourselves.
