16 Signs He’s Just Going Through The First-Date Motions To Get Sex

When you’re on a first date with a new guy, you’re probably looking out for the usual red flags: is he a serial killer? A serial cheater? A total a-hole? However, there’s something else you should be paying attention to, and that’s whether he’s just turning on the charm to get you into bed.

  1. He’s already acting like your boyfriend. Here’s one that you didn’t see coming. This guy is acting like he’s your boyfriend, ordering food on your behalf and calling you pet names and it’s too much too soon. You’ve only just met, for goodness’ sake. He’s trying hard to make you think he’s interested in dating you by being overly familiar and it’s a giant, flaming red flag.
  2. He wants to shorten your time together. At the last minute, he says he actually doesn’t have time to meet for dinner and he’d like to have quick drinks instead. You’re supposed to be grateful that he’s making time for you at all, but screw that. He clearly doesn’t want to invest too much in the date in case he doesn’t get sex out of it. What a loser.
  3. He’s barely paying attention to the conversation. He looks distracted, like he’s got something else on his mind. This tends to happen when you talk about serious topics or answer questions about yourself. He’s got one thing on his mind and it’s not hearing about your college days or the cute Labrador puppy you adopted last week. Double red flag if he suddenly tunes back in if anything remotely sexual comes up.
  4. He keeps shifting the convo to sex. He’s big on flirting sexually with you. Even if you mention how good the chicken salad is, he’ll manage to turn the subject back onto sex. Ugh. It’s so annoying, immature, and kinda gross. No thanks.
  5. He avoids talking about himself. He isn’t open when you try to initiate a conversation about his life and interests. He gives you light answers but really, he’s keeping his real self stashed away. This is a clear sign that he’s only interested in a fling or one-night stand because he doesn’t want to take the time to get emotionally closer to you.
  6. He keeps saying he wants you to go home with him. Some guys are really blunt about how much they want to bed you. He might tell you he can’t wait to take you back to his place. It’s flattering, perhaps, but it’s just that he can’t hold in his horniness anymore. He’s treating you like a sex object and completely disrespecting you. Are you going to put up with that? (You shouldn’t!)
  7. He focuses only on your physical offerings. What he pays attention to tells you a lot about what he wants from you. For instance, if he notices how gorgeous you look in your lace dress but doesn’t remember what it is you do for a living, he’s after one thing.
  8. He brags about his sexual past. When the topic of previous relationships comes up, he’s quick to talk about the sexual side to them—what his exes liked in bed, what sexual stuff he’s done, and how many sexual partners he’s had. TMI! Geez, for someone who doesn’t like to talk about his friends or career, he sure can open up about sex.
  9. He’s in a hurry to get the check. Instead of asking you if you’d like to order some dessert to share or another drink, he’ll ask the waiter for the check. Bam, date’s over. He’s probably hoping that the sooner the date ends, the sooner he can get you into bed.
  10. He gets way too drunk. It’s cool to have some drinks on a first date, but if he’s getting drunk, it’s a bad sign. It shows he doesn’t want to make a good enough first impression on you to actually date you. He doesn’t care about the sober stuff—he just wants to have fun. Less talk and more action is the name of his game.
  11. His second date idea is at his place. He wants to see you again, which should be great news. Or maybe not. He’s only looking for sex if he wants to come see your bachelorette pad or he wants to watch Netflix at his apartment. Hanging out at home is for hookups and committed relationships, and you can guess which situation you’re in.
  12. He doesn’t dress up. He doesn’t have to show up for the date in a tux, but he should clean up to look his best. If he’s still in his workout gear or a sloppy tracksuit, the guy’s making zero effort. He’s hoping he can be lazy and get some sex thrown in without having to jump hoops for it.
  13. There are awkward silences. The conversation doesn’t flow ’cause he keeps killing it. It’s not even comfortable silence that’s happening. He fills those breaks in the conversation by checking his phone, drinking, or eyeing out other women. Yeah, a real charmer.
  14. He has no concept of personal space. He moves his chair closer or touches you a lot. It feels like a sign of attraction at first, but then it progresses. It’s like he’s trying to jump your bones right there in the restaurant. WTF is this guy’s deal?
  15. He wants to take you away. Your drink orders haven’t even arrived and he’s saying stuff like, “We should get out of here.” He can’t wait to take you someplace else, but you know where you’re going: straight to his bed.
  16. He’s over-the-top about you. He keeps talking about how great you are and how amazing it is to be with you. Wait, it’s the first date. What’s this guy up to? It’s clear that he’s trying way too hard to be charming, thinking flattery will get him into your pants. Whenever a guy comes on too strongly, it’s a sign that he’s got a hidden agenda.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.