If All the Good Guys Aren’t Taken, Where the Hell Are They?

Sometimes it feels like the bad guys outnumber the good ones in dating. Sure, that’s not the case in reality, but it’s hard to see past it when you’re continually disappointed. I’m looking for love, but all I ever find is players. Everyone keeps saying all the good guys aren’t taken, but if that’s true, then where the hell are they?

  1. I’m making myself available. It’s not like I’m sitting at home cuddled up to my cats every night. I’m actively looking for love. I’m just not finding it. I go out. I meet new people, but none of the men I meet are boyfriend material. They’re more interested in my boobs than my brain. I’m making myself available, but I’m not available for just sex.
  2. I don’t want to settle. Not for a player and not even for a guy who’s just “good enough.” I deserve more than a guy who’s going to make me feel like he’s only halfway invested. I need a man who’s actually going to care. I want a good guy and I’ll continue to refuse to settle for any less — but damn, I wish I knew where all those good guys are.
  3. It feels like most guys at the bar are only looking for one thing. What’s that? Sex. They’re not interested in a relationship. They buy you a drink because they want to take you home, or at least that’s how it seems. Sex isn’t just sex to me, though. I want it to mean something and it doesn’t mean anything if we don’t even know each other. I want to meet men who are looking for relationships, not one-night stands.
  4. Where do the good guys hang out? They’re definitely not going where I’m going, that’s for sure. I’m looking for relationship material, but all I see is hookup culture. None of these guys actually care what I have to say. If all the bad boys hang at the bars, where do the good guys go? Someone please tell me because I’ll head there right now.
  5. I refuse to be desperate for love. I want love, but I also want a guy who will do it in a way that’s right for me. I may not be finding any of the good guys right now, but I’m willing to wait. The problem is I’ve been waiting SO long already. I’ll keep waiting, but I’m growing tired of this game. I’m not desperate for love, but I’d rather be alone than settle for a bad boy.
  6. I just want a man who’s genuinely interested in me. Honestly, is that so much to ask? I have enough guy friends and I’m not interested in any “benefits.” I want a guy I can talk to who will actually listen. I want a guy to laugh at my jokes because they’re funny, not because he’s trying to get with me. I just want a guy who will like me for me, with no strings attached. Where are those guys?
  7. I’m a relationship girl, I can’t help it. I’m not interested in keeping it casual. What I’m really asking is, where are the relationship guys? Where are the guys who want more than meaningless sex? Where are the men who aren’t afraid of commitment? Falling in love might be scary, but at the end of the day, it’s worth the risk to me and I just want a guy who feels the same.
  8. They may not be fully “taken,” but they could already be in relationships. So maybe not all the good guys have rings on their left hands, but they still have girlfriends. I’m not interested in trying to steal another woman’s guy regardless of whether he’s just her boyfriend or they’ve said, “I do.” All of us women need to stick together, so I won’t play another girl like that.
  9. Are they too shy to make a move? If that’s the case, I wish they’d find some damn courage. I’m putting myself out there, but I shouldn’t have to do all the work. I want a guy who’s willing to do whatever it takes to find me. If you want a chance with me, then you at least have to be brave enough to make a move.
  10. I want a man with more to offer than looks. Sure, some girls are only interested in sex and physical appearances, but plenty of us want more than that. Good looks will fade, but a good personality lasts forever. I want a guy I can talk about the serious stuff with, a guy with intelligence and a great sense of humor. I’m not going to look good forever, so I at least want a few laugh lines on my face.
  11. I just want a guy who can treat me with respect. Where are those guys hiding? The ones who will think I’m beautiful without any makeup on. The ones who are more interested in my mind than my body. The ones who will love me for me and never take me for granted. I’m sick of the bad boys. I’m sick of getting played. I just want a good man, but where the hell do you find them?
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.