Good Sex Tricked Me Into Thinking I Was Falling In Love With Him

Really good sex can have a powerful effect on a person, and I learned that the hard way when I started hooking up with this guy. Even though we both agreed from the start that what we had would never go beyond casual, I enjoyed sleeping with him so much that I started to think I was falling for him. It wasn’t until after he started seriously dating someone else that I realized my hormones had completely fooled me, but I still understand why I was so confused.

  1. It wasn’t just sex. I hesitate to call it “making love,” but what else could I call it? He looked deep into my eyes, kissed me the whole time, and treated it like it wasn’t the act of sex that he couldn’t get enough of but the person he was having it with. It may have been a heat-of-the-moment sensation, but it really did feel like we were creating something amazing together that extended outside the bedroom.
  2. He focused on my pleasure. I guess it says a lot about my former sexual partners that his desire to always make me climax first sparked such a strong emotional reaction in me. To me, it signaled that he cared about me and my happiness. It sounds silly, but that alone melted my heart.
  3. I had fun with him. Sex with him was never just kinky or romantic — it was a blast. We laughed together, tried new things, and made it so much more than just a way to get off. Of course I was going to get my feelings all confused. How could I not? He was acting like my best friend who I could have amazing sex with, and that was really all I’d ever wanted in a romantic partner.
  4. Holy endorphins, Batman. It’s not a secret that sex the orgasms that come with it trigger a release of happy hormones. The quality and frequency of sex we were having were so high that my brain started to associate you with a rush of happiness. Before long, my heart started to skip a beat whenever his name appeared on my phone or he just looked at me the right way. I’d become almost addicted to the happiness I got when we slept together, and it made me think I was feeling things that I really wasn’t.
  5. We really clicked in bed. Our chemistry in the sack was so powerful that I guess it fooled me into thinking that we also had amazing chemistry when we were fully clothed. After all the bad sex I’ve had in my life, I think my heart freaked out a little and assumed that if our sexual connection was this good, it had to mean something truly special was blossoming between us. Oops.
  6. I felt comfortable with him. Like lots of people, I’m a bit self-conscious about my body. I’m always the girl that wants to have sex with the lights off and then throw on a t-shirt as soon as the deed is done. It was different with him, though. I wasn’t afraid to put my body in unflattering positions during sex and afterward, I was perfectly chill hanging out in my birthday suit with him. It’s amazing that something so “small” could have such an impact on how I thought I felt for him.
  7. It was something to look forward to. My life has a pretty set routine. I don’t get out much unless it’s to run errands, go to the gym, or work, so there’s not a lot that I have to get excited about on a regular basis. However, when we made plans to meet up (and hook up), that changed. It was a break in the rut that my life had become and because it was SO good, it made something that would’ve been ordinary for a lot of people something extraordinary for me.
  8. It was so much better than the sex with my ex. I really did love my ex, but our sex life… well, let’s just say I loved it a lot less. When this guy and I hooked up, it was like getting to eat unlimited ice cream after being on a juice cleanse for the previous two years. The sex was so much better compared to what I’d been getting that it was almost like a high. I think some subconscious part of me started to mix together my enthusiasm for having sex with him and my love for my ex.
  9. My time with him was an escape from the real world. If only for a little while, my worries about work, my personal life, and the future melted away when you and I started ripping each other’s clothes off. I felt like it was the only time of the week when I was free to let myself go and just enjoy something and someone without having to stress about how I should be focusing on something else. That alone was enough to make my heart go haywire for him.
  10. I think I was just desperate for affection. I don’t have time to date, and normally, I’m not a fan of casual hookups. By the time he came into my life, I’d gone a while without even seriously flirting with someone, let alone having sex with them. It was like getting a cold drink of water after aimlessly wandering around the desert, and it made me think I was feeling things that were way more intense than they really were.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.