I Got Into Another Relationship Before I Was Over My Ex & I Seriously Regretted It

There’s a reason it’s called a rebound: it never works out in the end. Take it from me — you’ll crash and burn in the time it takes you to say, “I’m totally over my ex!” Here’s why I regretted jumping into another relationship before I’d really moved on from my last one:

  1. I hurt people around me. It’s one thing to fall into a self-destructive pattern when you get your heart broken, but it’s a whole other thing to take other people down with you. I was a mess after my breakup; I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep (but boy, could I drink). I was grabbing onto anyone that might make me feel better. In the process of jumping into another serious relationship, I hurt my current guy, my ex-guy, and a lot of mutual friends.
  2. I hurt myself. I couldn’t get my act together. I thought my self-destructive patterns would make me feel better, but in the long run, they only made me feel more depressed. I needed to feel loved, adored and attractive, but the only one who can validate my existence is me. And in the end, after everything blew up in my face, I just felt even worse because of all the destruction I’ had caused.
  3. I ruined something that had potential. It was evident I wasn’t over my last relationship, especially to the guy I started dating next. Not long after it started, my new relationship began to crumble. I wish I could’ve saved it, but at the time I was a mess, mentally and emotionally. One of my biggest regrets will always be ruining something that had incredible potential. Looking back, I know that timing screwed us and that what we had could have been amazing. I just couldn’t get out of my head.
  4. I was selfish. I’m the first to admit that I used my new relationship for my own agenda. I never thought I’d be someone who could do that, but love makes you do crazy things. I was selfish. I used someone else for my gain. I wanted to make my ex jealous. I wanted to feel good. And I ended up paying the price.
  5. I projected my fears on my new relationship. I came into my new relationship full of fresh wounds. Instead of waiting for those to heal, I just projected all my concerns about love onto my new guy. I was afraid of being left, so I clung on at any sight of hesitance from him. I was scared of being lied to again, so I refused to trust anything he said.
  6. I still hadn’t forgiven my ex. Believe me, it should be a rule that you need to forgive your past relationship before moving onto a new one. I had a distorted understanding of love — one that was angry, fearful, and possessive. I still couldn’t shake that perception, and I somehow managed to shape my new relationship to look just like my old one (somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy, am I right?).
  7. I didn’t take the time to learn to be alone. Figuring out how to be by yourself is crucial. Instead of taking the time I needed to learn to be okay on my own again, I used someone else to help me forget about my pain. What I should have done (and what I did for a long time after this catastrophe) is handle my own issues by myself.
  8. I lost friends. My ex and I had plenty of mutual friends (when I say that, I mean LITERALLY all of my friends were also his friends and vice versa). When we broke up, some of those friends decided to take sides. At the time, it was a very painful situation. Now I see that by me jumping into bed with another guy straight away, it was easy enough for someone to choose his side.
  9. I took advantage of a good man. My new relationship wasn’t great; it was unhealthy and toxic. But that was completely on me. As far as I’m concerned, he was perfect. He was funny, smart, cute and he liked me (of course, I couldn’t see any of that at the time). I took complete advantage of his good nature.
  10. I ruined any chance my ex and I had at another shot. At the time, I would have done anything to have another chance with my ex. In fact, I thought by making him jealous he would realize what he was missing and give us another try. But the wounds I caused were too deep. Neither of us could move on from what I had done, so we never got our second chance.
Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.
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