Granny Panties Are The Only Underwear Worth Wearing—Hear Me Out

While I’ve done my fair share of experimentation when it comes to underwear and I quickly came to realize that granny panties are where it’s at. These days, I won’t even look at a thong or a boy short—I need full coverage briefs in my life and that’s just the way it goes.

Comfort comes first. Sorry, but I’m not here for thongs riding up my butt every five seconds or lace cutting into my skin. Granny panties are comfortable as hell and literally never let me down. Those 100% cotton ones are pure luxury on my nether regions and I’m not about to sacrifice that for some unbearable undergarment that no one’s even going to see. I’m good, thanks.

I’m not trying to deal with yeast infections and UTIs. It’s been proven that thongs can cause all kinds of bacterial and yeast infections down below and I want no part of that. Is vanity (pointless vanity, I might add) really worth constant trips to the drugstore or the doctor? Nope. Granny panties it is!

Guys don’t actually care what kind of underwear I’m wearing. Let’s be real: if I’m about to have sex with a guy, the last thing he cares about is what kind of underwear I’m wearing before he takes them off. They’re going to be on the bedroom floor in less than 60 seconds, so why sweat it?

Ya girl likes full coverage. One of the biggest perks of granny panties is that they can help hide my less flattering parts. Stomach rolls? Sorry, you won’t see ’em—they’re inside my granny panties. My butt being kinda saggy? You wouldn’t know because my granny panties cover it and give me a little lift. I just feel better with my underwear pulled up nearly under my boobs. So what?

They don’t ride up or fall down. Again, I don’t want to have to be pulling a thong out of my butt every five seconds or pulling those stupid low rise things up when they inevitably fall down. I like underwear that stays where it’s supposed to be until I take it off, end of story.

Weirdly enough, they’re less expensive than the skimpy stuff. I can hit up Target for a 5-pack of Fruit of the Loom for, like, $10. Where else am I getting functional, comfortable underwear for less than that? This means I can replace them when they get old and threadbare instead of hanging onto them to save some cash (don’t lie, you know you have a drawer full of period-stained panties desperate for replacement).

They’re actually kinda cute if you think about it. I mean, they are. I have some in colorful patterns and other, classier ones in plain black and white. They fit well, they’re flattering, and therefore they’re cute. Plus, what’s better than feeling comfortable in what you’re wearing?

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