I Was Doing Great Alone And Then I Had To Start Dating And Ruin It All

I don’t know why I always have to go and ruin a good thing. There I was, doing just fine, living my life being happily single. Then I broke the dating seal and everything turned into an emotional nightmare. Ugh!

  1. I was totally happy on my own. I was really doing well. I was content and busy and productive. I missed love a little bit but I’d gotten used to my life the way it was. Then I had to go mess it up and upset the balance for a guy that ended up not even being worth my time. It was a huge mistake.
  2. I missed sex but I knew how to get myself off. Yeah, it sucks not getting laid, but sometimes it’s really not worth it. There’s so much baggage that comes along with it, especially for women. After all the gyno visits and pills and worries and everything else, I’d almost rather go without. Unfortunately, I got a taste of having regular sex again with this dude and now I crave it. It really makes me mad.
  3. I let him get my hopes up and it turned out to be a big mistake. I never get excited about anyone anymore. I rarely meet a guy who doesn’t bore me to death, let alone one that I actually dig. When I did meet a seemingly great one, I let myself get hopeful and go to emotional places I haven’t been in forever. I really thought it was going to work out this time.
  4. I hadn’t felt a connection like that in ages. I don’t fall often, but when I do, I fall hard. I hadn’t felt that way with a guy in literally years. I immediately felt happy, comfortable and confident with him. I felt like he really saw me and accepted me. It was exhilarating and it made me vulnerable.
  5. I got distracted by our chemistry. I tried to stay on task and I’m so busy that I succeeded—for the most part. Still, I was so excited about this unexpected development in my life that my mind wandered to him constantly. The sexual tension was ridiculous, especially in the beginning. Our physical attraction took over my brain.
  6. He excited me and made me want to be better. He drove me to strive for more excellence in all areas of my life because he made me so happy. He helped me feel motivated and rejuvenated and alive. It was terrific and all I wanted was more of it. Too bad that he gave me all those amazing feelings only to abandon me out of nowhere.
  7. I tried to hold out but eventually, I let him in. I’m always cautious, especially in the beginning, but he calmed my fears and made me feel sure of our connection. I thought he was finally it, the guy I’d been waiting for this whole time. If I’d known how badly he’d hurt me, I never would’ve bothered. I would’ve stayed blissfully safe.
  8. I felt that he really saw and understood me. I hardly ever feel like a guy understands me. I never even felt that way about my last serious boyfriend and I still stayed with him for a year and a half. I settle because I despair that no one will ever get me. I was so excited that this man finally did and then he took that and threw it away. It devastated me. I was better off before.
  9. I got attached even though I tried to stay removed. I didn’t even realize the depth of my own feelings because I was so busy trying to play it cool and convince myself I was taking it slow. I tried to, but I hadn’t felt that way for a guy in so long that my emotions got the best of me. I didn’t even realize until I lost him that I was so invested in keeping him. Now I wish I never met him at all.
  10. We didn’t see each other a lot but I was so happy when we did. We were both busy so I knew we wouldn’t get a ton of time together. I was fine with that—we have lives to live. When we were together, though, I was incredibly happy. I hate the memory of it now that it’s gone and wish I’d just gone on living my quiet single existence.
  11. It was the perfect arrangement. Our schedules were opposite enough that it forced me to stay focused on my goals while really appreciating the time we did spend together. It made it impossible to get in too deep too fast also. Still, I cared about him a lot and I know he cared about me, which is why I’m doubly hurt now that he walked away anyway. I’m so done with men.
  12. He couldn’t handle feeling real feelings and he ran away. There’s nothing sadder than watching something that could be stunningly lovely crumble because the other person is afraid of it. Yeah, I know that people will say that means he’s not right for me, and obviously it didn’t work out. I’m still angry because he acted like he was all in and he definitely wasn’t.
  13. He left me stunned and trying to cope with the repercussions of his actions. I had no idea that he would give up on us so easily. I still can’t believe he did. After everything he said to reassure me early on, he did exactly the opposite. I feel betrayed and stupid. I should never have trusted him. I’m always better off alone.
  14. It’s no longer satisfying to have what I did before. This is the worst part. I can’t seem to get back to the content place I was in before I met him. He disrupted my whole emotional state and then he just took off and left me stunned. I hate that I let someone in who ended up treating me like I’m disposable. I want nothing more than to forget he exists.
  15. I feel like he broke my happy-single-girl state and now I yearn for love. I was doing just great until I met him. Now that he’s gone, I’m livid. I’m literally pissed off that I haven’t found an enduring love yet. I’m an amazing woman and I’m seriously angry that no man out there seems to appreciate it. I’m so frustrated that I feel this way instead of how I felt before.
  16. I’m angry with him for disappointing me and myself for letting him into my heart. I feel like I must be an idiot—I must’ve missed the signs or not understood what was going on. In reality, he doesn’t know what he wants and I ended up a casualty of that, which is really awful. I’m tired of the BS. I just want to go back to being happy on my own.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.