Years ago I joined a dating website for the same reason many women do: to see what’s out there. Of course there were lots of obnoxious guys around, but one in particular takes the cake. I started chatting to a guy who seemed cool, but then he messed it up by saying he didn’t want to date me because I was old and he wanted a younger girlfriend. I was only 29, for goodness’ sake!
I felt like crap for awhile after the guy’s nasty comment. I started to worry that other guys would be like this too and that I would never find love because guys just wanted the girls in their twenties.
I deleted him but couldn’t seem to delete his comments.
His comments bugged me on a deeper level. For the first time in my life, I was aware that I was getting older. Previously, I’d encouraged women older than me to embrace their years, but now that jerk was making me feel I was somehow less beautiful and less worthy of because I was almost 30. So I lied about my age on the site for a while. I knew I could pull it off because I looked younger, but that made me feel worse. I didn’t want to pretend I was 24 — I wanted to take my own advice and embrace my years and all the experiences that brought me to my age. Screw that guy. So I put my age back on the site and decided not to let some ageist throw me off.
He had the problem, not me.
I realized that I was making the problem mine when it really wasn’t. He was rejecting me based on age, which is just as bad as rejecting someone for their weight or height, or some other number. He was basically saying that I don’t meet his ridiculous dating standards. Well, screw that.
I actually didn’t want to make the cut, thanks.
I wish I’d responded by telling him that I didn’t want to be his type because he’s a total jerk. Why would I waste my time on someone so stupid and arrogant? The truth was that he was not up to MY standards and would never be.
There’s no such thing as being “too old” for love.
To make myself feel better, I browsed the site and saw how many people were on that were in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. That was encouraging to me because it showed me that one’s never too old to keep the hope alive and there’s no such thing as being too old to be loved.
By attacking my age, that guy was denying my experiences.
That guy saw a number when he looked at me, but I was so much more than that! He didn’t care who I was, what experiences I’d had, how I’d grown or what a really nice person I am. What a jerk. Those are the things that matter so much more than silly age.
His comments reminded me of what women deal with.
Society and the media keep putting pressure on women to look younger and there’s loads of pressure to find The One before hitting the Dirty Thirties. It’s a bunch of crap. There are lots of guys who don’t think in the same way as this guy and there’s no need to feel the pressure to find one’s match, and especially not at the age of 29. That’s still so young. After that guy, I didn’t care about my age anymore and the stress that goes along with getting older. It’s not an issue if I don’t make it one, and if someone’s going to make it a problem then they can GTFO.
I’m a better GF now that I’m older.
The guy lost out big time because I was such a better GF at the age of 29 than at 24. As I’ve grown older, I’ve grown up and I’m much more ME. This also means I have so much more to offer. I won’t ever be made to feel that I should hide my age or that I should think it’s shameful. Age is just a number, not a limitation!
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