A Guy Chased Me Hard Then Vanished — WTF?

Getting ghosted is gut-wrenching when you’re in a relationship with someone you really liked. But even when you’re just “talking” with a guy, having him vanish when things seem to be going well is downright baffling. This is what happened when a man who seemed to be head over heels for me seemed to evaporate into thin air:

  1. He just wanted a cheap thrill. We met, he flirted with me, and showed real interest in who I was. He made it clear he wanted to go on a real date and spend more time with me. Then, from one day to the next, he simply disappeared. It sent me into a tailspin of confusion, but he was clearly just high on the excitement of getting to know someone. He got his kicks from the chase and didn’t have the balls for anything more.
  2. He messed with my head. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that he changed his mind about me. I read and re-read our texts, trying to find what I could have done wrong to put him off even though I’d done nothing wrong. He made me doubt myself even when I shouldn’t have.
  3. He toyed with my feelings. In time, I realized it was impossible for him to have changed so drastically from one minute to the next. He was obviously just into having some convenient fun from the start without getting into anything serious. But what I felt WAS real, and he clearly didn’t give a damn about that.
  4. He took off when he realized he wasn’t getting laid. Looking back, those flirtatious texts he was sending made it clear he just wanted to hook up. I played hard to get, not wanting to jump into anything too soon… and good thing I did, because it revealed his true intentions.
  5. He was almost certainly dating other people. It sucked to think that someone better had possibly come along for him, but I knew tormenting myself about things like that wouldn’t do me any good. I reminded myself that I should feel sorry for the other woman he’d chosen, because he’d probably end up doing the same thing to her.
  6. He thought he could keep me on hold. The bastard came back. About a month after disappearing on me, he sent a text that said, “Hey, how’s it going?” Cute. He had some nerve to think he could come back and resume where we’d left off like nothing had happened. He was clearly keeping me on the sidelines as a dating option, but he messed with the wrong woman — I’m nobody’s option.
  7. He needed to grow up.  I’d been holding back from showing him how I felt about him, but then when I believed what he was saying about how much he liked me, I opened up. Sure enough, he took off soon after I revealed how I felt about him. I thought maybe that had been my mistake, but why shouldn’t I have been real with him? He was the one who needed to grow up and stop being such an immature player.
  8. He revealed his playboy nature online. After getting ditched, I went on social media to see if I could find clues for why he acted the way he did. Predictably, his Facebook page was filled with him flirting with all the women he was “friends” with. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised.
  9. He showed me how important it is to do my research. After dealing with this guy, I’ve learned that it’s important to check out guys’ social media profiles BEFORE getting attached. I also believe it’s good to spend time texting and really getting to know him before assuming he’s into me. Hopefully it’ll save me from getting hurt next time.
  10. The more unavailable I am, the more he seems to want me back. It’s amazing how this guy made a fool of himself. The more I ignored him, the more he chased me. On his third attempt, he sent me a Facebook friend request (which promptly got deleted). Then he sent me a message saying that he really missed me. He may have hurt me before, but now that I’m watching karma at work, all I can do is smile.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
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