To The Guy Who’s Cheating On Me — I Know About Her

Maybe you thought I wouldn’t ever find out, but I did. I’ll hand it to you — you’ve done an amazing job of living two lives and seeing two women for months, and I’m only just now figuring it out. I’m not going to tell you I know yet, because I’m going to make sure you don’t get to keep either one of us first. Before I leave your sorry ass, though, here are a few things I want you to know:

  1. You will never convince me this is my fault. Your decision to cheat is not my fault and nothing you could ever say will convince me otherwise. Any excuse you could come up with won’t work — this is entirely on you. You’re a tool.
  2. There’s no way to talk yourself out of this one. I’ll give you some credit here — you’re a smooth talker and have always been able to wriggle your way out of arguments and wrongdoing. Not this time. No amount of sweet words or apologies can undo this, so don’t bother.
  3. You don’t deserve either one of us. I don’t know her, but I do know that you don’t deserve either one of us. I know you’ve been lying to her too and that she has no idea about me. She and I have spoken. A lot. She’s a nice girl and you’re ruining her fairy tale, too. You’re incredibly selfish.
  4. I should have seen the signs sooner. I loved you too much and I ignored the nagging voice in my head that said something’s wrong. That’s my fault, but I won’t be wronged by you a second time. You are officially out of my life.
  5. I really loved you. This is the saddest part, I was really and truly in love with you and set to spend our life together. Why did you have to go and ruin such a good thing, and for what? If you loved her more than me, you should have gone to her.
  6. You didn’t think this one through. You’ll go from having two to having none (and yes, this is true — she told me so). You could have had a good woman forever and now you’ll have to start from scratch because you wont get either of us.
  7. I’m leaving you, for good. This is over as of today. There will be no apologies, no chance to win me back and definitely no makeup sex. Don’t bother calling — your number is blocked. Don’t bother emailing — your emails go right to the trash. Don’t bother trying to use my mother against me again — she hates you.
  8. This is your loss, not mine. I’m a catch in so many ways and this is entirely your loss. Do you know how many guys told me I could do better than you? Do you know how many guys I didn’t cheat on you with that I could have?  Do you know that right now I’m already on the rebound with a really sweet guy? I guess you know now.
  9. Why didn’t you just leave me? If you were really into her, which the evidence suggests you were, why didn’t you just spare me and go to her? Because you wanted your cake and to eat her, too.
  10. Screw you! I think you get this one without an explanation.
  11. I’m keeping the dog, the TV and everything else. Your stuff is already packed and the locks are changed… and there’s nothing you can do about it. We aren’t married, and since it’s all in my name, you get nothing.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314