It totally sucks to not be on the same page with the person you’re dating. Why can’t dudes just make their intentions known upfront? Usually, they know almost right away if they plan to take you seriously. If you’re wondering why he doesn’t want to legitimately pursue you, here are 10 deciding factors on his end.
How soon he got out of his last relationship
It’s a hard adjustment to go from regular texts and face-to-face contact with someone you’re interested in to now silence. If the breakup wounds are still fresh, he may just be trying to fill that void until he’s ready to officially deal with the loss. He may also be holding onto hope that the split won’t last and they’ll be back on soon enough. You’re basically serving as a placeholder. Once she starts answering his calls again, he’ll be saying, “who?” when he hears your name.
If he’s even over his ex
If he’s not even ready to move on, he’s not going to look for something serious. But he still needs someone to go with when a new movie comes out or his couple friends have a get-together. Besides that, he isn’t planning to open up too much to you. His heart belongs to someone else and he needs to keep things light. You’re pretty much keeping him from otherwise being a hermit at home from lack of company.
If anything appeals to him outside of your looks
Nothing on your dating profile may resonate with him, but if he’s bored and still thinks you’re hot, he may decide to at least have a casual encounter with you and hope for the best as far as compatibility goes. However, he’s already made up his mind that meaningful sparks won’t fly and this probably won’t last long. He’s just going to savor the eye candy until the allure fully melts.
What time of the year it is
Certain parts of the year just trigger a natural inclination toward the push or pull game. He definitely doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday alone, so he’s going to need a body around for that. Still, he doesn’t want to be too thoughtful for someone he doesn’t want to invest in, so flings won’t work during the December holidays and Valentine’s Day. Summertime can go either way. There’s lots of fun to be had as a carefree single person, but then again, he may want a travel companion for all of his warm-weather adventures. It’s all strategic planning and external motivators.
What his schedule is like
If he’s super busy, he’s really not going to have the energy to get off his grind to dabble in endless dates. He either wants something he is certain will stay casual and easy or he will want to be with someone he thinks is worth penciling into a jam-packed routine. It’s not easy to date when you have a lot on your plate.
If you rub him the wrong way
Something about you, on your dating profile perhaps, might have stuck out like a sore thumb to him and he just can’t let it go. He can’t take you seriously and almost feels like you deserve to be played. He may mess with you just to be sure your time is wasted. Sorry to say, but his intents were malicious from the start.
How you market yourself
If you clearly advertise yourself as only down for a good time, he’s not going to be able to look past that. Most guys don’t come to a party hoping to turn things around to a study session. What he sees is what he expects to get.
How badly his last relationship ended
He may still be a wounded bird. There’s a chance he’s so hurt, he’s only left with a pile of pain to pass on to someone else. You might end up dumped on just because he isn’t prepared to do anything else at this time. You really never stood a chance if you wanted something genuine with him. He also may be strongly opposed to even allowing himself to be slightly vulnerable to another woman again.
What he’s missing in his life
If he’s creeping up in age and had a house, wife, and kids in his 5-year plan, he’s definitely going to be looking for the real deal in a woman. This guy is going to be more focused. Depending on what you want, you’ll either be quickly tossed to the curb or just as quickly locked down if you can offer what he’s looking to have provided.
His overall ability to multitask
Some guys don’t feel up to managing multiple personalities or don’t get anything from random hookups. These types of guys tend to keep to themselves until they find someone they see a promising future with. They’re not going to get involved in something casual just to have something to show for themselves and they won’t entertain back to back dates with a revolving door of women.
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