A Guy Who Does Any Of These Things On A First Date Doesn’t Deserve A Second

Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to. You show up with an open heart and an open mind, ready to meet a potentially great guy who could be exactly what you’ve been looking for. You’re hoping for instant chemistry and mutual attraction, but at the very least, you expect him to show up and not be a loser. Unfortunately, if he pulls any of these moves on the first date, he’s not worthy of a second:

  1. Turns up late. When a guy shows up late — and we’re talking more than 5-10 minutes tops because if you can get there on time, so can he — that’s a bad first sign. It’s also just plain rude. Your time is valuable and should be respected, and if he can’t even bother to make enough effort to leave his house on time and account for traffic/other travel delays, he probably won’t try with anything else, either.
  2. Doesn’t hold the door for you. Maybe this is a little old-fashioned but it’s just NICE when a guy makes an effort to beat you to the door and hold it open for you. Taking five extra seconds to hold the door isn’t too hard, but it definitely makes a lasting impression. If he doesn’t bother to be chivalrous in such a small way (or worse, he goes in first and basically lets the door slam in your face), don’t bother with him.
  3. Talks About An Ex Right Away. No. Just no. If he brings up his ex on the first date, he’s either not over her or he’s the scorned ex-lover with a grudge to bear. It’s too soon for him to be back in the dating pool and you shouldn’t waste any more of your time on a guy whose thoughts are already occupied by another woman.
  4. Orders For You. Ah yes, this old move. It’s something out of a bad romance movie but it does happen. He thinks it’s cute and romantic but really it’s presumptuous and weird. If he jokingly suggests that you’ll have what he’s having, that’s funny (kinda???), but if he’s dead serious in telling the waiter what you’d like without even consulting with you, WTF?
  5. Doesn’t Pay or even offer to pay. Frankly, he shouldn’t have an issue paying for the first date at all, but depending on how well you know each other, fine, maybe going dutch is a more appropriate way to handle the date. However, if he doesn’t even so much as offer to cover you (or himself, worst case scenario), run away as fast as you can.
  6. Doesn’t make an effort to hold a conversation. Awkward pauses might happen on a first date and that’s normal. Struggling to hold a conversation is a different story, though. Even if he’s shy, he’ll still want to make an effort to get to know you. If you feel like you’re giving a monologue to a mute rather than holding a conversation, that should be the end of that.
  7. Being Disrespectful to you or anyone else. If he treats you, the staff at a restaurant, or anyone else like garbage by belittling you, speaking down to you or just generally being an ass, then you don’t even owe him much of an explanation for why he doesn’t deserve a second date. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t have the dignity to treat everyone with a basic level of respect.
  8. Acts immature AF. “That’s what she said” jokes aren’t as attractive in your 20s as they were in high school. Sure, it’s a lot of fun to joke around and you want someone who can make you laugh, but if it’s the first date and he can’t even contain his school boy humor, that’s not someone ready for a long-term relationship.
  9. Only talks About Himself. Everyone likes to share their stories and talk about themselves, but if he can’t flip the conversation around and learn more about you then he’s not worth a second date. Someone that egocentric isn’t going to change on date number two. If he’s not interested in you, why is he on a date with you?
  10. Doesn’t actually care about dating. If it becomes clear that this date is purely a formality before he gets to hook up with you, then there’s no point in going for the second date. Unless, of course, that’s exactly what you were secretly looking for too!
Tori is a recent college graduate trying to find her place in this world. She loves to travel (way too much), play volleyball, and practice her broken German when she isn't working as a safari specialist.