If A Guy Doesn’t Want To Define The Relationship, I’m Out

In a world where more and more people are rejecting labels, there seems to be a serious reluctance to define relationships because of it. I don’t care what the rest of the world says — if a guy doesn’t want to define the relationship then he won’t have a relationship with me.

  1. I don’t keep things casual. I know that modern dating is all about casual dating, but that’s just not me. I don’t want to keep things on the down low. I don’t want our relationship to be a secret. That just makes me feel like a guy is ashamed of me. If I’m taking time out of my day to spend with someone special, he needs to think I’m special too. To me, dating is always serious. Otherwise, I’m just not interested.
  2. If he really liked me, commitment wouldn’t be an issue. When it’s right, it’s right and if he wants to hold off on commitment then something is obviously wrong. I get having doubts about committing to the wrong girl, but dedicating yourself to the right girl should be a no-brainer.
  3. I need a guy who can tell me how he feels. Guys don’t get to pretend they have no emotions just because they’re guys — at least not with me. I want a man who’s not afraid to not only have feelings for me but also express them to me. If I’m willing to put my heart on the line, he should be willing to do the same for me. I need someone who’s brave enough to say how he feels and not hold back because I’m the type of girl who can.
  4. I won’t waste my time on someone who’s afraid of commitment. If a guy isn’t ready to face his fear, I’m not going to make him. It’s irrational and immature. If he wants me in his life then why is he afraid? The thing he should fear is not having me. If he’s willing to let me go then he’s just not right for me. I’m not going to wait around on the off-chance he’ll maybe someday want to be with me. I deserve better than that.
  5. Labels might not be everything, but they keep my sanity. I don’t want to worry about what we are to each other — I want to know exactly where we stand. I already have anxiety and I don’t want the issue of our relationship status to add to that. I want to feel safe and secure at all times. I don’t deserve to obsess over how a guy feels or where this is going. I want to know, not wonder.
  6. If he wants to keep his options open then I’m no longer an option for him. I don’t want his love for me to be some kind of choice where he weighs the pros and cons. I deserve to be more than just an option. If he doesn’t outright want to be with me then I won’t wait around to be his backup plan. Even if he “picks” me, I’ll always feel like he’s just settling.
  7. Either he likes me or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t want to define the relationship then to me it’s clear he just doesn’t like me enough. I don’t want to be with someone who’s unsure of his feelings. Either he’s interested in me or he’s not — there should be no back and forth. I want to be in a stable and secure relationship, so if he can’t define his feelings then there’s no relationship. It’s really that simple.
  8. I’m not competing with other women for his attention. If a guy wants to hold off on defining the relationship, that should be a heads up that he might be seeing other women. If he’s waiting to figure out which one of us he likes best, then I’m out. I shouldn’t have to compete for a man’s love. I want to support other women in the game, not be pitted against them.
  9. I won’t try to convince someone to be with me. I shouldn’t have to talk a guy into a relationship with me. If he can’t see how great I am then it’s his loss. I’m not that desperate for love. I don’t need to beg a guy to be my boyfriend. I can’t make someone love me and I’m never going to try. The right guy won’t need convincing — he’ll actually want to be with me.
  10. I love myself enough to care about my own happiness. I know that keeping things undefined would leave me unsatisfied. Maybe that’s what this guy needs, but what about what I need? I can’t put his desires before my own, especially when he’s not even my boyfriend. I know that refusing to define a relationship would make me unhappy and at the end of the day, I have to do what’s best for me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.