A Guy Can Never Be Your “Other Half” — You’re Already Whole

A Guy Can Never Be Your “Other Half” — You’re Already Whole ©iStock/GeorgeDolgikh

When you’ve been in a relationship a while, it’s often hard to imagine your life without the other person. Your lives slowly become more and more enmeshed until you hear yourself proudly proclaiming that he’s your “other half.” It totally seems like a romantic notion, but is the suggestion that you’re incomplete without him really a good thing? Listen up, ladies: no guy can ever complete you — you’re already whole.

  1. You Don’t Need Him, You Want Him. In a crisis, it can often seem like he’s the only person who can calm you down in the right way or find you a solution, but you’d be able to find a solution on your own too, you know. You don’t want to be with another person out of compulsion or desperation, you want to be with him out of choice. It’s a lot more romantic to choose a person than to need them.
  2. He can’t complete you — you were fully formed before you met. In its nature, this phrase implies that you wouldn’t be able to exist without him and that if he were to disappear, he would leave this big gaping hole in your existence. This is simply not true. You’re a complete person with complete dreams and aspirations. You have a complete life, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
  3. He’s Not That Missing Piece In Your Life. If you feel something’s missing in your life, I would urge you to explore that yourself. That void likely has nothing to do with another person. If you do feel empty in some respect, you’re going to begin using your relationship as a distraction to avoid figuring out your problems.
  4. A Relationship Can’t Fix You. It’s both unhealthy for the relationship and for your mental health to expect another individual to fix you. If you feel incomplete, the solution is not in another person — it’s in you. You’re the only person who can fix you, and placing that expectation on another person or on your relationship can be dangerous.
  5. You are a Team of two, not one person. Celebrate your differences. Your differences are what make you complement each other and means you can work together as a team. You can still be a team with different interests and separate ambitions.
  6. He’s Not Your Entire Life, he Just Improves Your Life. Keep your independence in your relationships. It’s nice to combine your lives occasionally, but for your health and the health of your partner, it’s important to spend time apart and dedicate time to other people in your world and other missions that you want to complete.
  7. You Would Survive Without Him. You might not want to imagine a life without him, but if that situation arises, know that you’re going to survive. You can live without him; he’s not your oxygen and he’s not your bread and butter. His existence isn’t necessary for your existence.
  8. Your Success isn’t due to your relationship. The danger of viewing your relationship as two halves of one whole is that you may attribute your success to him. Don’t let that happen! Own your successes and remember that you’re a strong person who can stand on her own two feet. You’re a capable person, regardless of your relationship status.
Michelle Elman is a body confidence activist, certified life coach, creator of Scarred not Scared, and founder of Mindset for Life. She’s written for publications including Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, and Grazia and appeared on ITV’s “This Morning,” Sky News, Loose Women, and more. She’s also the author of the book “How To Say No.” You can follow Michelle on Instagram at @michelleelman, on Twitter @michelleelman, or on her website, MichelleElman.com.