A Guy Who Promises To Change Is A Guy Who’s Full Of Crap

It might sound romantic to think that a guy wants to become a better man for you, but unfortunately, it’s usually just a manipulative tactic. This is why you’re better off far, far away from the man who’s promising to change his ways, no matter how convincing he may seem:

  1. Ask yourself why he hasn’t changed until now. Before you came along, this guy was out there living his life and being a jerk. Why didn’t he think it was a good time to change his ways then? Why is he only wanting to change now that you’re putting pressure on him to change? If it smells fishy, it’s because it is.
  2. Words are cheap. Anyone can say they’re going to change and make it sound easy. But much like New Year’s resolutions of hitting the gym every day, these promises mean nothing if there’s no real action attached to them.
  3. You can’t change him. It’s tempting to think you’ll be the one to fix or change him if he doesn’t fulfill his promises. But when did your relationship turn into your job? You shouldn’t be spending your time trying to change or improve someone else unless you’re their personal life coach.
  4. He’s trying to keep you there with false promises. Notice when his promises of change are charged with the most enthusiasm. It’s probably when he can feel you pulling away from him and he becomes desperate to make you stay. But that motivation is only temporary; soon he’ll be back to his old ways.
  5. You’re bound to be disappointed. There’s nothing worse than waiting for someone to change, especially if this isn’t the first time that they’ve promised they would. You don’t deserve to wait around and keep getting disappointed. Let the guy deal with the highs and lows of his own issues instead of making them your problem.
  6. Love can’t change someone. It’s sad but true: no matter how much you love someone, you can’t actually make them want to change. They’ve still got to be the one to take the initiative. You should also be skeptical of a guy who claims that he’s going to change for love. People need greater motivation than that. They need to change because they want to, so if he’s using love as his motivation, be aware that whatever changes he makes to himself probably won’t stick.
  7. You deserve someone who’s not a work in progress. You should be with someone who has his act together. He’s a grown man, and if he’s going to date you, he shouldn’t be coming to you as a half-finished project.
  8. No matter what he says, things won’t be different this time. Anytime a guy tells you that things will be different this time around, he’s lying to you. Or even worse, he really believes his own lies. Then you’re the one stuck with a nasty reality check down the line after you’ve invested even more time and energy into making a relationship with him work. If he was really serious about you and desperate not to lose you, he would have made sure the first time was different.
  9. Believe who he shows you he is the first time; that person always comes back. People show you who they are from the minute you meet them. So if this guy was showing you that he wasn’t good BF material, but you chose to give him another chance, that’s your mistake. Sooner or later, that person he showed you at the beginning will make another appearance. It’s better to get out now before you have to deal with his ugly side again.
  10. He’s hoping you’ll carry the load. You can’t be too careful with a guy who says he has to change himself. It’s really easy to believe that he’s a victim in his own life, whereas he could very well be a toxic guy who’s about to mess up your life with his problems. By declaring his love for you and promising that he’ll change his bad habits, he could be hoping that you’ll be there to help him clean up all the messes he makes.
  11. A guy who means it will just do it without the fuss. If a guy really loves you and wants to do right by you, he’s just going to get on with it. He’s not going to be wasting time making announcements about how much he wants to change or trying to flatter you with words. He’ll just work on his life and himself, always striving to be a better man because he knows you deserve nothing less.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.