A Guy Reveals 10 Ways Men Wish You’d Take Charge In Bed

It’s often up to the guy to initiate contact and take the lead when it comes to sex, but it doesn’t have to be like that. Most of us not only wouldn’t mind having a woman charge in bed, but we’d actually prefer it that way. If you’re a little nervous about being more forward, here are a few things you can do.

  1. Instruct us. One of the best ways a woman can take charge in bed is simply to tell her partner what she likes. That doesn’t mean getting all bossy and making demands (unless you’re into that), but almost all guys could benefit from a little help or instruction between the sheets. Plus, we’re there to please you (at least the unselfish guys are), so if we’re doing something right or wrong or you’d prefer a different approach, just let us know what you want. If a guy isn’t receptive and willing to listen to what you want in bed, he’s probably not worth your time.
  2. Show us what you like. Rather than asking, you could also just go ahead and take charge in bed by showing us what you want. Most guys are visual learners, so that may actually work better. As long as you’re cool touching yourself in front of your partner, just give him a quick tutorial of what you like. It’s a good way to take control in bed, turn a guy on, and maybe teach him something all at the same time.
  3. Initiate with a back rub. If you’re a woman who doesn’t like being the one to initiate sex, perhaps start out by giving your partner a back rub or any other kind of innocent touching. I mean, no guy is going to turn down a massage. Doing this can be a good way to let him know you’re interested and stay in control of the situation. It can also be a good way to help ensure that you get a little foreplay beforehand.
  4. Create a mood. This can be another good way to take charge in bed in an understated way. The good news here is that there are a million different ways to do this depending on what you think your partner would like. You can light a few candles and put on some music. You could put on some sexy lingerie. It could even be as simple as making a couple of cocktails. If you’re the one creating the setting that puts you both in the mood for sex, it’ll be easier for you to take the lead and remain in control
  5. Make creative suggestions. Most guys are usually up for trying out new things in the bedroom. The trick here is to suggest new things that you want to do, meaning activities or positions that put the focus on the woman. A lot of guys will be so excited to try something new that we won’t even realize or care that you’re taking the lead and making it all about you.
  1. Get on top, stay on top. OK, so this should be simple and self-explanatory, but it should also be effective. The best way to take charge in bed is to make sure that you’re on top and you stay on top. It’s a lot easier to call the shots from up there. Most guys probably won’t mind you doing most of the work. Even if your partner tries to switch it up, don’t let him so that you can stay in control.
  2. Undress us. A lot of times, we guys are preoccupied with making sure clothing is coming off. That being said, we probably won’t hate it if you want to make that your job. You can go about it as fast or as slow as you like, dealer’s choice. Either way, it’ll be super sexy from our point of view and it will definitely let us know that you’re the one in charge at the moment.
  3. Go hot and cold. OK, so this has to be done just right so the guy doesn’t end up with blue balls. Do something to get your partner excited and then back off a little. Do that a couple times just to let him know that you’re in charge. As long as you’re doing so in a fun and playful way, he’ll enjoy it rather than feel like you’re just cruelly teasing him. As long as you eventually get to a conclusion if you know what I mean, it’s perfectly fine.
  4. Institute a no-touching policy. Yes, this may seem a little counterintuitive, but getting him to follow along with it is just a way to let him know that you’ve decided to take charge in bed. It’s also a good way to drive him nuts in a good way. He may think of you as a tease, but a little teasing every now and then can be sexy.
  5. Share reading materials. So this one takes a little research, but it’s a great way to take the lead. Look for books (not necessarily the Kama Sutra) or instructional videos that give sex tips or position suggestions and either read or watch them with your partner. He’ll like that you’re down with a little sexual exploration. At the same time, you can take the lead by pointing him in the direction of the things you’d like to try in the bedroom.


Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.