One of the biggest fears I think a lot of us have in relationships is saying the wrong thing. I’m a firm believer that you should always speak your mind, but when you’re in a serious relationship, you also have to be mindful of not hurting your partner’s feelings. As a guy, please allow me to share with you a few phrases that your boyfriend probably doesn’t want to ever hear come out of your mouth.
- “I wish you were more like my ex.” Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is one of the biggest no-nos out there. Even if it feels like something small and inconsequential, your current boyfriend doesn’t want to hear anything about the last guy you dated. We might play it off like it’s nothing, but it’s a huge blow to our ego to hear that your ex is better than us in some way or even that he still crosses your mind. In short, the less you say about your ex (i.e. nothing), the better.
- “I’m in love with [famous actor].” We all have celebrity crushes and that’s fine. Just be careful with the wording here. There’s a big difference between being attracted to someone like Ryan Gosling and saying that you’re in love with him. Most guys will get what you mean by the former but hate hearing the latter. It just doesn’t go down well from the perspective of a boyfriend. If we’re not around, you can say whatever you want, but our feelings will be a little hurt if you’re gushing and swooning over your favorite celebrity right in front of us.
- “Does this make me look fat?” Look, we’re going to say no to this question. In fact, we’re probably going to mean it, which is why we don’t understand why you ladies insist on asking us. But even when we say no, you still get mad because you don’t believe us. It’s a no-win situation, which is why we’d prefer if you just didn’t ask us at all. I mean, do you want us to say yes? I don’t think that will go down too well either. Let’s just agree that asking this question is a textbook example of entrapment. Just accept that we’re with you, we like how you look, and you shouldn’t worry about anything else.
- “You remind me of my brother.” Honestly, I try to avoid women who have brothers whenever I can. The fear of hearing this statement is actually one of the reasons. Even if you have a great relationship with your brother, boyfriends and brothers play different roles in your life. It’s a weird comparison to make and I don’t think I need to explain why. Most guys don’t want to hear that you think about your brother when you look at them.
- “I hate your [insert body part here].” OK, nobody has a perfect body and guys can be almost as sensitive about their bodies as women. Even if it feels like a harmless and nonchalant comment, most guys aren’t going to take it well. It will kill our self-confidence and we will start to obsess over it. Admittedly, we shouldn’t say this to you ladies either, but this needs to be something in a relationship that goes both ways.
- “I can see why your mom married your dad.” OK, gross. That’s first of all. Second of all, you may think this is a compliment, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be said. It’s coming a little too close to admitting that you find your boyfriend’s dad attractive. Honestly, comments like this are part of the reason why some guys prefer to delay introducing you to their parents for so long.
- “You need to man up!” What does that even mean? Don’t say it to your boyfriend under any circumstances, even in jest. In general, you shouldn’t question your boyfriend’s manhood, manliness, or any other word with “man” in it. Guys can be super insecure and sensitive about stuff like that, especially when it comes from their girlfriends. Avoid it altogether.
- “Are you sure that’s wise?” This is one of many passive-aggressive comments that you should avoid saying to anyone you’re close to. I mean, if you think something is a bad idea, just say so. If you haven’t noticed, we guys tend to make a lot of mistakes, and sometimes it’s good to have someone tell us in a tactful way. But saying it in the form of a passive-aggressive question is a little too motherly, which is not what guys want from their girlfriends. Honestly, you’d probably be better off saying, “Don’t be a dummy.”