Why Does A Guy Claim He’s Into You But Then He Doesn’t Want To Date You?

It makes no sense when a guy claims to have feelings for you but then won’t ask you out or commit to anything other than something super casual. It makes you wonder what he really means and if he has any scraps of feeling for you at all. Ugh. Take a deep breath and read these 14 possible reasons why he’s playing this game so you can move on ASAP.

  1. He wants you to keep hoping. Why would he tell you that he has feelings for you if he’s not going to act on them? Simple. He’s hoping that you’ll focus on his feelings and ignore the fact that he can’t (or simply won’t) commit. It’s a convenient way to keep you around if he feels like dating you in the future. So sneaky.
  2. He’s letting you down gently. It’s not gentle, of course, it’s confusing and selfish. However, he’s too much of a coward to say that he doesn’t have feelings, so he’s pretending that he does so that you don’t hate him. This is the classic move of a guy who tries too hard to be seen as “nice.”
  3. He’s intimidated. You’re amazing, intelligent, and have your act together. He’s all over the place. It’s no wonder that he’s intimidated. He doesn’t know how to be in a relationship with you without getting his heart smashed. Who said you were going to break his heart? Whatever. Take the compliment but move on. He doesn’t deserve you.
  4. He’s really messed up. We’re a product of our experiences. Maybe he’s had some really brutal relationship experiences and he hasn’t recovered. You might think that he should be with you if his feelings are strong enough, but honestly, maybe he’s not equipped to go there. His loss.
  5. He’s paving the way to friendship. He might be telling you he has feelings so that you won’t totally hate him and still be friends – or friends with benefits. This is the worst possible path to go down, so don’t set foot on it.
  6. He doesn’t like you enough. You know when you meet a guy who seems great but you just don’t feel for him in the way you know you should to sustain a relationship? That’s what’s happening with this guy. It’s no reflection on you, though – you can’t help who you feel for and who you don’t feel for.
  7. You want different things. He does like you, but would rather take you to bed than to dinner. You’re keen on a relationship, so clearly you want very different things. It’s better you found out now than when you were knee-deep in a relationship.
  8. Something’s stopping him. It could be anything at all. He might need to find someone who’s a bit more compatible, or he might still be hung up on his ex. Maybe he’s confused about what he wants. Whatever. The point is that he’s stopping himself from taking things further, and that’s enough of a reason for you to walk away. Why wait around for a guy who creates his own obstacles and drama?
  9. He can’t meet your standardsHe knows he’s out of your league and that he’ll never be able to meet your standards, so he’s doing you a favor by letting you go. It’s always better to keep your standards and lose the man. Find one who can meet them. You deserve nothing less.
  10. He’s got demons. He feels he’s not ready for a relationship. You might think that’s BS, but humor him. Maybe he has some serious issues, like the inability to commit. He has to have some deep-seated reason for not grabbing you up because what man in his right mind wouldn’t want to date such a catch?
  11. He’s stringing you alongHe’s hoping that by thinking he likes you in spite of not wanting to date you, you’ll still work hard to keep him in your life or even persuade him to give your relationship a try. Ugh! Don’t waste your time. You can’t change him and he’s just lapping up your attention if you try with no inclination to change.
  12. Single life is calling. Sometimes he really does think it would be nice to get a girlfriend, but then he realizes how much fun it is to be single and enjoy hookups. Basically, this guy needs to grow up. At least he’s not doing it on your time.
  13. He’s got someone at home. He’s in a relationship with someone else and wasn’t expecting to have such a strong connection with you. He doesn’t want to tell you he’s in a relationship because then you’ll call him a jackass, so he tells you that he likes you but can’t be with you. He’s micro-cheating on his girlfriend and messing you around with his foolish declaration of feelings. What a joke. Let this drama king go!
  14. He wants you casually. He’s telling you he likes you but can’t date you because he wants to have something more casual. That means lots of fun and sex and no relationship expectations. You might enter into this setup in the hope that he’ll fall for you in time or “become ready” for a relationship, but don’t waste your time. He’s already made up his mind – he doesn’t like you enough to commit to you. He can take his booty call and shove it!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.