While actions are important, it’s also important to listen to what people say about themselves too. If the guy you’re on a date with says any of these 11 things, they’re red flags. It’s probably best not to see him again because he’s just going to waste your time.
“I’m a bad boyfriend.”
This is a statement that you really can’t work around. You might want to ask why so that he tells you that he’s not always a good listener or he’s not supportive, but honestly, the statement in itself is enough. If he’s saying that he’s bad, he’s not asking you to tell him that he’s being hard on himself. He’s telling you the truth. Maybe it’s fueled by three tequila shots he’s consumed, but it’s still the truth—and it’s best you pay attention.
“I’m kind of a jerk.”
Similar to the above statement, if he says he’s a jerk, believe him! He’s not going to go around saying it unless there’s some truth to it, especially because people are usually more focused on trying to seem great to those they’ve just met.
“I’m really nice, but women don’t like nice guys.
” This is problematic in two ways. For starters, any guy who has to push the idea that he’s nice might not actually be a nice guy. If he goes on to add that many women don’t like nice guys, he’s really trying the “poor me” card on you. He’s hoping you’ll sympathize with how he’s such a great guy but nobody has appreciated it. Ugh, whatever. He’s trying too hard to impress you and it’s backfiring.
“I have tons of friends.”
Does he really have to tell you this? Who cares if he has one good buddy from high school or a bunch of them? He’s hoping to make you think that he’s Mr. Popularity, and clearly that’s something that’s important to him. It shouldn’t be—he needs to grow up.
“You’re not usually my type.”
Wow, is this guy for real? Does he think saying this is somehow flattering? Not only does it make you wonder what you’re lacking, but it might also make you feel like you’re some kind of experiment for him. Even if he elaborates by saying that he’s never dated someone so smart/ambitious, it’s still not a compliment. He’s basically dissing all the women he’s dated in the past. A similar diss would be if he said, “You’re not like other women” as though it’s a good thing. In reality, it’s actually pretty sexist.
“I’m a guy who likes to protect his woman.”
He might say this really believing that he’s being chivalrous. Honestly, it’s sexist and can make you feel anything but flattered. You’re a strong woman who doesn’t need protecting. He needs to climb out of the ’50s and get with the program. You’re not someone who’s going to let him take the lead in the relationship and “be the man.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing in my life.”
Sure, he might say this with a laugh and he might sound charming saying it, but it’s not refreshing to hear that a guy doesn’t have his act together. In fact, it’s a huge red flag. If he doesn’t know what he’s doing in his life, who’s to say he knows what he’s doing in the romantic department? Besides, you don’t want to date a man-child.
“I want to have fun at this point in my life.”
He wants to have fun, which is why he travels to Mykonos and hangs out with his best buddies at the pub until sunrise. That’s also probably why he’s going to want to have something casual and laid-back with you. A guy who wants fun probably doesn’t want to be saddled with commitment.
“My parents put me off marriage.”
So his parents had a nasty divorce and it obviously left him traumatized, which makes sense. Still, he’s a grown man who can surely separate his parents’ marriage from other, healthier marriages that are out there. Just because they got divorced and had a horrible marriage, it doesn’t mean that should completely put him off the concept as a whole. Even if it has, the point is to notice that he’s basically giving you a huge “I don’t want to get married” hint. Don’t expect this kind of guy to come around to the idea.
“I’m waiting for someone to prove me wrong.”
This guy’s been hurt many times before in the dating game and it’s made him nervous to date again. Totally understandable—we’ve all been there. What’s problematic about his words is that he’s basically saying, “I’m going to test you to see if you’re worthy of me.” No one wants to feel like they’re being tested. It’s unfair and puts pressure on you.
“I’m focused on my career.”
Yes, you want a guy who’s focused on achieving his goals and has his act together, but if he’s always talking about how important his career is, you’re never going to be a priority in his life. You can expect him to take a raincheck on many dates. Pass.
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