Yes, it’s possible to be in an abusive relationship and not even realize it. Sometimes, toxic, controlling behaviors are presented as loving, caring, or even invested. If you’ve received any of these texts from your boyfriend, you need to break up with him ASAP.
- “You need to tell me where you’re at and who you’re with.” Any variation of this text counts. He’s your boyfriend, not your babysitter, and while you may feel inclined to let him know where you are or who you’re with, that should be up to you, not something he assumes is his right to know. Demanding your whereabouts is a major red flag and you need to get away.
- “Why would you post a picture on social media wearing something so revealing?” You can post pictures of you wearing whatever you want.If he decides to ridicule or criticize you for it, he’s being abusive. If he texts you something like this, he can’t trust you and he’s letting his jealousy control his feelings and actions.
- “You need to answer me now or else.” Whether you’re in a fight and need some space, or just busy at work or out with your friends, this kind of aggressive, angry text is a sign of an abusive relationship. You’re allowed to take time to yourself, you can take space when you need it, and if he’s refusing to let you have that, that’s abuse.
- “You can’t go out without me, but it’s only because I love you so much.” You may think he’s just being protective, right? Well, you’re wrong. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t give them the right to dictate where you go, with whom, and when. If he loved you, he’d respect
- “Did you really make plans with your friends without checking with me first?” He’s implying that he deserves all of your free time (or at least control of what you do with it). Whether you’re in a relationship or single, you should be able to make your own decisions and make plans if you want to. Checking in with him is a courtesy, not a requirement.
- “Even my best friend thinks you’re acting crazy.” Usually, a text like this follows up one of his ridiculous, controlling demands, and you’ll see it pop up on your phone if you don’t give in to his manipulation. He wants you to question your own sanity because the less sure you are of yourself, the more likely you will be to give into his control.
- “If you do this, we’re breaking up.” This kind of abusive text can have a lot of variables, but the gist is that it’s a threat. If you don’t do what he wants, he’ll do something he knows will hurt you (or at least he says he will to try and control you). This is a sign of an abusive relationship. Ultimatums and threats are never healthy and should never be acceptable from someone who’s supposed to love you.
- “You can’t talk to him/her, and if he/she shows up to the party, you need to leave.” Controlling if and when you talk to someone else, for whatever reason, is a sign of an abusive relationship. You should be able to make decisions on who to cut out of your life and who to keep a part of it.
- “What I did was wrong but it’s your fault that I did it.” Your relationship is abusive if he can only admit he made a mistake when it’s to blame you for it. You’re not responsible for his actions or responses. He doesn’t get to write off treating you badly for any reason. His actions are his own fault, not yours, and he should be held accountable for them.
- “If you really loved me, you would listen to me.” Questioning your love because you’re refusing to give in to his demands is his way of trying to guilt-tripping you right into the palm of his controlling hand. You don’t have to agree with someone else’s opinions just because you love them, and you certainly don’t have to let someone you love make decisions for you or tell you what to do, especially if it’s not what you want.
