A Guy Shares 10 Things It Could Mean When He Doesn’t Want to Sleep With You

If you believe the stereotypes, all guys want to sleep with all women all of the time, but that’s definitely not always the case. That being said, it can be a little confusing and even upsetting when the guy you’re dating or are in a relationship with isn’t keen to jump your bones. If he has religious or moral reasons for it, he’ll usually share. Otherwise, you might start to think something is wrong with you. Don’t panic just yet – consider these reasons he could be avoiding sleeping with you.

  1. There’s no built-up sexual tension. There should usually be some sense of sexual tension or chemistry between two people before they sleep together. Sometimes a fun or goofy date doesn’t necessarily lead things in that direction. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, it just means he doesn’t sense a lot of sexual chemistry, at least at the moment, so he has a difficult time trying to initiate something.
  2. He’s looking for something serious. While it sometimes comes as a surprise, some guys are looking for a serious relationship. If that’s the case with him, he won’t generally be looking to sleep with you right away. Perhaps he’s learned that sleeping with someone too soon can be a mistake and he doesn’t want to rush things. He might just want to take his time to get to know you more before things move to that level.
  3. He wants it to be spontaneous. Admittedly, guys who are players will do anything they can to initiate sex and get you in the mood, but I promise not all of us think like that. Some of us will sit back and allow things to play out naturally. We’ll wait until sex happens more spontaneously when both of us are feeling a serious attraction rather than trying to make something happen and forcing it.
  4. He’s waiting for you to give the go-ahead. Believe it or not, some guys are patient and respectful when it comes to sex. Also, in the wake of the Me Too movement, some guys are trying to be a little more careful. We don’t want to assume anything, so we’ll give you a little space. Instead of trying to make a move, we’ll wait for you to tell us we’re good to go. If you’re wondering why a guy isn’t trying to sleep with you, perhaps you haven’t made it clear that you want to sleep with him too.
  5. He has performance anxiety. Sexual performance anxiety with guys is a real thing and it can be really anxiety-inducing. It may not stop him from trying to date, but when it comes time to take things to the next level, a guy who has had performance issues in the past will be a little more hesitant. The same logic can be applied to a guy who has body image issues as those guys will also want to avoid intimate situations.
  6. He’s afraid of sending the wrong message. Guys can sometimes be surprisingly aware of the messages they send with their actions. If he’s too aggressive in trying to sleep with you, perhaps you’ll think he’s the hit-it-and-quit-it type. If that’s not the case, he doesn’t want to sleep with you too soon. Early on, he’s aware that you’re still forming an impression of him and he doesn’t want you to think that he only cares about sex.
  7. It could create unreasonable expectations. Guys know that when you sleep with someone, it can create expectations that the relationship will continue further. Typically, guys who only want a one-night stand won’t worry about that. However, he may avoid sleeping with you if he doesn’t want to lead you on. If he knows he’s not in it for the long haul, he’ll want to make it clear that he just wants something casual before hopping into bed with you. That way, you can’t claim that he led you on.
  8. He’s sleeping with other people. Even if he’s not sleeping with other people, he might be seeing out people. Either way, he doesn’t want to overcomplicate things if he’s seeing multiple people and trying to figure things out. As mentioned, he doesn’t want to lead you on only to end up choosing one of the other women he’s dating. It’s possible he wants to wait until things are a little more established. It’s also possible that if he’s sleeping with other people, his needs are being met elsewhere.
  9. He’s playing head games. Sorry, but some guys are this vindictive. By not trying to sleep with you, he wants you to question why he’s not pursuing you harder. Also, some guys think that by not sleeping with you, they can make you want them more. It’s all part of the macho head games that the more reprehensible members of our gender will try to play.
  10. He’s just not into you. Sorry, ladies, but this has to be mentioned as a possible reason why a guy isn’t trying to sleep with you. If he’s attracted to you and he can tell you’re interested in him as well, it’s hard not to try to get you into bed. I mean, we’re only human after all. If he seems totally uninterested in it, it’s possible he’s just not feeling it. I wouldn’t jump to this conclusion because there are plenty of other options. However, if none of the other items I’ve mentioned fit, maybe he’s just not that into you.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.