To The Guy Who Thought Loving Him Meant I’d Put Up With His Crap

When you’re in the midst of a bad relationship, it can be hard to see just how far things have gone downhill. Oftentimes, because we’re so deeply in love with someone, we end up tolerating way more than we should  just because we want to keep him around. I made the mistake of going along with your BS behavior for far too long because of how much I loved you, but this is why you made a mistake in thinking I’d deal with it forever:

  1. I loved you, but I also love myself. Even though I wanted to give you my all, I couldn’t neglect myself in the process. So when you started treating me like garbage and betraying my trust, I wasn’t about to betray myself just to keep you around. I deserve to be treated well, and if you weren’t going to be the one to do it, I knew I’d have to be the one to pick up the slack.
  2. Love and tolerance are two very different things. Despite everything, I know you’ll still always have a special place in my heart. But you couldn’t pay me enough to go back to you and deal with all your nonsense again. Just as a loving parent doesn’t give a bratty child everything they want, I’m not going to let someone get away with being a loser just because I love him.
  3. I have standards. And frankly, you failed to meet them. My heart might have been begging me to stick around, but my head thankfully knew better. It took a while, but when you showed your true colors, it revealed a person I knew I would never choose if this had been my first time meeting him. No matter how much I loved you, I would have been disrespecting myself if I’d lowered the bar for you because of my feelings.
  4. The line I set is super wide, and you still managed to cross it. I’m not high-maintenance. I’ve never asked for the moon. All I wanted was for you to treat me like an equal partner. It seems like such a basic requirement, and yet, you managed to mess it up. It takes a lot to push me away, so if you manage to do it, there’s no question that you deserve whatever disaster comes after you.
  5. I would never put you through the same stuff you put me through. It blows my freaking mind that you thought it was okay to treat another human being the way you treated me. I give the same love I want to receive, and the fact that you wanted to get so much more than you gave sickens me. I still can’t believe you didn’t see anything wrong with what you did because I would never crap on someone I loved like that.
  6. Don’t pull the guilt card on me. I have no reason to be sorry for letting you go. I listened to your empty promises of change and gave you more than enough chances, and you still continued to be a loser. I did literally everything I could to fix us, but your endless pity party blinded me to the fact that the problem was YOU all along. Now that I can see again. I have zero regrets about my decision to let you go.
  7. I’m a person, not a doormat. It might have taken me a while to find it, but it turns out that I do indeed have a backbone. I also have a heart (which you beat and nearly broke) and a head (which you messed with more times than I could count). I’m so much more than what you made me out to be, and honestly, I’m offended that you thought I would put up with all your crap just because of who you were to me.
  8. You must have some balls to take advantage of my feelings for you. I can’t even fathom being the type of person who sees how much someone loves me and decides to trample all over that. You knew very well that I loved you more than I could put into words, and instead of returning that love, you used it in the most selfish way possible. I don’t know what kind of person it takes to do something like that, but it’s not the kind I try to be around.
  9. Love doesn’t transform me into a weaker person. Your greatest mistake was believing that I would forever be your toy just because of how much I cared about you. Sorry, dude — I was born strong, I am strong, and I will always be strong. My love for you might have made me weak in the knees at one point, but they never shook so much that I was unable to walk away from you and all your manipulation.
  10. The hurt I went through letting you go was well worth getting you out of my life. I knew I needed to get out, but it was still hard when I finally went through with it. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried, and yeah, there were a few times that I thought about going back to you. Looking back, though, I’d go through it all again if it meant doing what was right for myself.
  11. Someone out there is going to realize what he has when I fall in love with him. Not only will I find better love than I found with you, but I’ll also find it with someone who appreciates it rather than taking advantage of it. You might have told me that no one would ever treat me better than you did, but I know that was just one of your many lies. You’ll eventually fade into a memory stored at the back of my mind, but the hard lessons our relationship taught me will ensure that I’ll never again end up with someone who treats me like you did.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.