I’ve ALWAYS wanted a really big wedding. The flowers, the tux, the beautiful setting. I even have a wedding Pinterest board… and I’m a guy. Some people seem to think that’s weird since it’s usually women who are crazier about saying “I do,” but here’s why I don’t think it’s strange at all:
- It’s basically a giant party. I mean, seriously, what’s not to love? You get everyone you know together, you have an open(ish) bar, everyone looks great in their finery, and you get some awesome food as well! I’m dead serious — what’s not to love?! It’s like prom but better because prom was a disaster and we’re all adults now.
- Getting dressed up all fancy is super fun. For starters, approximately 99 percent of men look amazing in tuxes. Second, we NEVER get the wear one. Third, smoking cigars is a lot more fun when you’re wearing a cummerbund. And finally, I want to feel like James Bond. I don’t get to feel like James Bond NEARLY often enough for my taste.
- It’s 2017. Being a dude who’s into weddings is totally legit. Yeah, this whole nonsense about only women getting to run wedding binders and Pinterest boards is just that – nonsense. I’m a dude and I have opinions on floral arrangements (no lavender, PLEASE). What’s wrong with that? Also, wedding cake design? Talk about the pinnacle of food preparation and excellence. If you have a big wedding, you literally get to have your cake and eat it too (but no tacky ‘cutting the cake’ photo please — I’d die).
- It’s a momentous occasion. It’s a big deal! I think that at some point we developed the whole ‘tied down for life’ trope when it comes to the groom, but that actually covers up the fact that it’s a big deal. I mean, okay, according to the APA, between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce… and that rate’s even higher for subsequent marriage — but still! It’s a big deal, okay? We should take a minute to mark the occasion, preferably with a giant bad ass wedding.
- Why should my future wife have all the planning Seriously, there are two of us in this couple, so why should my spouse get all the stress? When we were renovating our kitchen, we shared the stress load pretty 50/50. I can’t imagine doing it any other way for something like a giant, amazing wedding!
- I want to show my friends an incredible night. I like my friends. After all the weddings I’ve been to and all the free food and booze I’ve consumed, I feel obligated to show them a good time, and I want to! I’ll be honest – I have a bit of a competitive streak. There’s a part of me that want to be like, “Now, THIS is how you host a wedding.”
- Mo’ guests, mo’ presents I have such a soft place in my heart for useless but very cool kitchen equipment. Pasta maker? Yes, please. Zoodler? Why not. One of those pastry cutter thingies? Yes. Egg poachers? Required. And the best part is, this is all stuff that I would never in my life consider getting myself but I sure am grateful to have.
- How many times in your life do people stand up and say nice things about you? Your funeral. That’s the other big ‘toast and say what a good fellow he is’ event. And frankly, that’s all a bit morbid for my taste. Having people stand up and say nice things about you seems like a pretty good way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I mean, seriously, who doesn’t love a good ole ego stroke?
- You can get people to come visit who live too far away. This is a surprisingly big draw card for me. I’ve lived in New Zealand, Scotland, and a fair few countries in between. I have friends scattered all over the world who I never get to see. I can’t very well be like, “Hey, I’m having a housewarming and making some ribs. Wanna get on a 12+ hour flight to hang out?” However, it’s totally acceptable to do that for a wedding! Getting all the people I love in one place at one time is a pretty awesome thing to do, and if a big wedding is what it takes then a big wedding I shall have.
- YOLO. Now even as I write this, I can sense the dissent stirring in the Frugal Freds out there. “Why have a giant wedding? Invest that $20,000 in a house!” or some such nonsense. To which I reply: YOLO my friends. YOLO.
