When my boyfriend first told me he planned to have my name tattooed on his arm, I was initially kinda touched. However, when I realized he was serious, it actually troubled me, and the more I thought about it, the less I wanted him to do it. I know most women would kill to have the love of their life do something as romantic as having her name permanently inscribed on his skin, but here’s why I’m not feeling it.
- Name tattoos are silly. Unless it’s your kid’s name (or maybe your mother’s), these tattoos just shouldn’t be done. Does anyone even do these anymore? Whoever started this terrible trend should be publicly named and shamed and then outcast from society forever. These tattoos completely lack any form of creativity and are the most regretted/covered up tattoos in the history of inking. Why?
- It might jinx our relationship. Everyone knows name tattoos are bad luck. If there’s anyone out there who’s had one of these for over a decade and is still with (and in love with) the person in question, please stand up. I’d like to shake your hand and congratulate you for overcoming the dreaded name tattoo curse. Nobody? Didn’t think so. Yes, I’m superstitious, but can you blame me? These tattoos have a serious track record of epic relationship failures. If you were finally happy, would you allow your well-meaning significant other to unknowingly jinx it?
- I feel like he’d expect me to return the favor. Worse, I know I’d at least consider it out of a sense of guilt. After all, if he’s willing to proclaim his everlasting love and devotion by irreversibly etching my name into his skin, he has to be wondering why I’m not jumping at the chance to do the same.
- If I didn’t reciprocate, it’d open some giant can of worms. Once he realized that I’m not into it, some mighty deep questions are bound to arise: “Why not?” “Don’t you love me enough?” “Do you think we won’t last?” Blah, blah, blah. Despite my long list of perfectly logical reasons not to partake in the name tattoo stupidity, he’ll probably still have some gnawing doubts lingering within the shadowy depths of his mind. The seed has been planted and when it flowers, it will most likely resemble a bloodthirsty, relationship-eating venus flytrap.
- He’ll hate it every time we have a major fight. Can you imagine being super pissed with someone and seeing that person’s name tattooed on your arm every time you bow your head? I can, and let me tell you, it would only serve to fuel the flames of my burning anger until eventually it rages into an all-consuming inferno. I don’t think the words “I told you so” would help at this point, either.
- What if he regrets it? All it would take is a few words spoken in the heat of the moment: “I wish I’d never gotten this!” That would leave me forever wondering if he really meant it every time I glimpse the infernal inked reminder of his uttered regrets. I don’t take words lightly. I have a habit of filing the harshest comments (to me, anyway) in a box at the back of my mind and I just know I’d refer to this one often if it ever cropped up…
- Everyone will ask to see mine. “That’s so romantic! Let’s see yours!” Oh, no! I can only imagine the baffled looks when people find out I don’t have one too. Confusion will slowly fade away only to be replaced by an even worse expression: smug certainty. I’d rather just avoid this awkward exchange altogether.
- People will think he loves me more. That expression of smug certainty will be brought on by the (insanely inaccurate) assumption that I simply don’t love him enough to get his name tattooed on me too. While I couldn’t care less about what “everyone” thinks, it will probably spark some further doubts in his mind. Cue the drama. It won’t be long before he’s questioning why I couldn’t commit to
brandinginking myself too.
- It’s forever, and forever is a long time. It’s a long time to live with the possibility of doubts, regrets, and maybe even resentment from your partner. I say, forget the stinking name tattoos! If you really need a constant, irreversible reminder of your love, get matching designs instead.