If A Guy Won’t Make Plans With You, He Doesn’t Want to Be With You

Some people are planners and some people are just spontaneous, right? I’d argue that in a relationship, a guy who’s unwilling to make plans is a pretty bad sign. Here’s why you should avoid the plan-phobes and find yourself a man with a diary.

  1. Making plans shows he wants to see you. Duh. It goes without saying that your BF should want to see lots of you and get excited for your dates. It becomes a lot more difficult to do that if he consistently refuses to makes plans. When a guy is trying to arrange things to do and suggests activities, it shows that he wants to see you and make sure you have a good time. If he’s leaving all the work to you, he probably isn’t really feeling it.
  2. Not making plans is immature. As kids, we let the world happen to us and go along with whatever someone else suggests. You’d hope that your guy would have more of a clue how to organize his time by his twenties. If he can’t be bothered to leave the house at an agreed time, make dinner reservations or (God forbid) book a holiday, he might not be ready for a serious relationship.
  3. He doesn’t respect your time. For me, a guy that won’t make plans is as big a no-no as one who is always late. The bottom line is, if he keeps you waiting and leave you running round trying to plan things, he just doesn’t respect your time. There are a thousand and one cool things you could be doing instead of waiting in for a guy and he should know that too.
  4. You have better things to do than wait around to see a flake. Have you ever been sitting in, checking your phone every few minutes, wondering when your guy is going to be ready to see you? That kind of treatment not only drives me crazy but proves that he’s happy for me to waste my entire weekend. If a guy won’t make plans with you, he clearly isn’t that bothered about whether he sees you or not. Call his bluff and book yourself up for the weekend.
  5. You’ll never know where you stand. When a plan’s in place, you can rest easy knowing you’ll see your guy on a certain day. If he refuses to commit, you don’t know if you’ll next see him this evening or a month from now, which is frankly exhausting. A guy who’s serious about you will make that clear by committing to plans together.
  6. It’ll make you insecure. Not knowing what your guy is up to and whether or not he wants to see you is the fastest route to insecurity. You watch your phone, willing it to buzz, with no idea if you’ll hear from him. If you’re getting the vibe that your guy isn’t bothered, it’s tempting to try and overcompensate by being ready to drop everything whenever he does make time in his “busy” schedule for you. A guy that really wants to be with you will make sure you know it.
  7. What kind of better offer is he holding out for? If a guy won’t commit, he could be lazy AF or it could be that he’s holding out for a better offer. If it’s the latter, you need to be asking yourself what kind of better offer is he expecting to get? If he’s always going to put his friends first, will that cause trouble later down the line? If it’s another woman, best to let him get on with it and find yourself someone that respects your worth.
  8. Planning is the foundation of a long-term relationship. In the early stages, a guy can get away with being a hopeless planner. As things get more serious, though, you need to trust that he’ll be able to commit. How will he cope with relationship milestones like moving in together if he can’t even think as far ahead as this weekend? The thought of trying to manage having children with a planning refuser is an absolute nightmare.
  9. Let’s face it—he’s just not bothered. For a few guys, it’s genuinely in their nature not to plan ahead. For most of them, though, I guarantee you they have no problem planning to see people close to them that they really care about, like committing to that guys’ trip four months away. If a guy really wants to do something, he’ll make sure he doesn’t miss it.
  10. You deserve someone that’s desperate to spend time with you. How satisfying is it being with someone who never puts you first? If you’re the type of person who likes to know when you’re seeing someone next, or if you’ve actually asked your man to make plans with you, there’s no excuse for him completely ignoring what makes you happy. You deserve someone that can’t wait to see you again and who’ll show he’s at least able to commit to an evening a week from now. If he point blank will not make plans, you’re better off saving yourself the energy.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.