“Guymate Change” Is Having A Terrible Effect On The Dating World—What Can We Do About It?

In the same way that we can get depressed about climate change, we can feel just as miserable sometimes about “guymate change.” This is when we feel like good guys are disappearing and men are all becoming toxic, and it seriously blows.

  1. Where are all the good guys? In the same way that some animal species are becoming extinct, it feels like good guys are suffering the same fate! That’s what “guymate change” is all about: the struggle to find a decent, loyal and good person to date is real.
  2. Chivalry has become a giant ice cap. If you want a guy who’s chivalrous, chances are some people will laugh at you. The days of the gentleman boyfriend sometimes feel like they’re long gone, in the same way that those ice caps are melting. Talk about leaving us feeling jaded about the dating game.
  3. There’s always an ulterior motive. The world’s temperature is rising, and that can make being out in the sun a dangerous activity. When it comes to “guymate change,” we often feel like we get burned in the dating game. Why? Because those warm, sweet guys are like the harmful UV rays. Sure, they feel good at first… until we realize their darker agenda.
  4. Just think of love-bombing—it’s a perfect example. This is a classic dating trend that reflects “guymate change.” We can’t even see romantic and polite behavior from guys as being just that. There’s sometimes an undercurrent of toxic behavior just waiting to be unleashed, and this keeps us on our guard.
  5. We stress about the future. In the same way that we worry about the future of our planet, we worry about the future of our relationship when we get with someone new. But, thanks to all the toxic dating games that are out there, it’s only natural that we worry about what’s going to happen and whether or not the guy we’re dating will screw us over. He might ghost, bench, fade, or breadcrumb us. The dangers are endless. It’s almost impossible to chill and enjoy the present time.
  6. It’s getting worse. It feels like dating is becoming more of a minefield as time goes on, in the same way that climate change is becoming a greater worry with time. “Guymate change” is making us worry that we’re never going to find someone who’s genuine or that we’re never going to find the good guy again. We’re also never going to meet all our relationship goals. Ugh.
  7. We have our own (un)natural disaster. There are many natural disasters happening around the world, thanks to global warming and climate change. When it comes to “guymate change,” our unnatural disaster is dick pics. It sounds funny, but it really is a disaster. It’s ruining dating for everyone. The unsolicited dick pic is a symbol of just how bad dating has become.
  8. We get burned out. Dating burnout can be a direct result of “guymate change.” With so many guys acting in toxic ways, it can make us really cynical about love. Soon, we stop even wanting to try to find someone to date. It’s just too much of a mission and never gives us the results we want. It’s incredibly sad.
  9. We try to make a difference. The danger with “guymate change” is that we put the responsibility to make things better on our own shoulders instead of expecting guys to treat us better and be better boyfriends. How do we do this? We try to change or fix the toxic guy in the hope that he’ll become Mr. Dreamy. But this doesn’t help much because the problem is a lot bigger than us and we’re only hurting ourselves by trying to carry all the problems on our own shoulders.
  10. We’re remaining single. To deal with all the negative effects of “guymate change,” we might decide to call it a day on dating and become forever single. Although the fear of never finding our forever person can be scary, the truth is at least by being single we feel more in control of our own futures and lives. Instead of dealing with guy drama, we can map out a better, happier, and more productive life for ourselves.
  11. It’s good to keep some perspective. There might still be a chance for humankind to turn climate change around, and there’s also a way to gain some perspective on “guymate change.” While we might not be able to find a decent guy right now or fix the toxic guys, that doesn’t mean we should think that dating is always going to be crummy. There are good people out there, so chill. In the same way that you’re a good person, it makes sense that there are good people out there. Nice guys aren’t extinct. Focus on the goodness that exists in the world and you’ll attract more of it your way. And besides, even if you don’t find a great guy and “guymate change” really does feel like it’s getting worse, at least you’ll have yourself. That’s really all you need.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.