While women might be a bit more complex than men, it’s certainly not impossible for guys to figure out what makes us tick. All it takes is a little effort and some listening skills. It’s really that simple.
- When we say “I’m fine,” it actually means we’re definitely not. I feel like this one should be obvious by now but for some reason, it’s not. If it’s mid-argument or you’ve done something to piss us off, saying we’re “fine” is code for not being fine and you’d better step up to the plate, ask what’s wrong, and actually plan on doing something to fix it. Also, when you ask what’s wrong but don’t actually care, we can tell. In that case, don’t bother.
- If you don’t text or call when you say you will, we’ll rightfully be bothered by it. Again, this should be obvious but it just isn’t for some guys. You say you’re going to text tomorrow afternoon about making plans for tomorrow night but then we don’t hear from you until two or three days later. This isn’t just about us being upset that you didn’t text when you said you were going to, it’s about common decency and etiquette. We’d be just as upset if anyone else did it because it’s rude as hell.
- We’re not going to die if you don’t want to see us anymore. If you decide that you want to stop dating us or never want to see us again after a one-night stand, we’re not going to shrivel up and die. You should be upfront about this like a grown-up instead of ghosting us. It’s the ghosting thing that pisses us off and makes us want to blow up your phone with text messages about how much of an a-hole you are. Again, this is a common sense thing. Come on, guys.
- If we’re not interested, we’ll let you know. On the flip side, as women who aren’t as confused or cowardly as some guys, we’ll let you know if we don’t want to see you again. In other words, we’re not going to pull some ghosting BS (unless, of course, you won’t take the hint and we think it’s the only option we have for our own personal safety). When we tell you we’re not feeling it, don’t think we’re playing hard to get and try to read something into it that’s not there. Instead, just go away.
- We’d actually really love it if you gave a damn about us having an orgasm. Again, this feels like common sense to us but it doesn’t seem to occur to many guys. If you could just give a tiny bit of a damn as to whether or not we had an orgasm when we’ve had sex, that would be great! Remember that if you fake caring, we’ll know.
- We don’t “nag,” we just want (and deserve) a straight answer. If you just gave us a straight answer the first time around, we wouldn’t have to ask you the same damn question over and over again. This, by the way, isn’t nagging; this is trying to get a fellow human being to answer a question we need answering.
- We get disappointed more than we get mad. I realize that for many of you, there’s a bit of confusion about being mad versus being disappointed. When you ask us if we’re mad at you and we say that we’re not, we’re not lying. What we mean is that we’re disappointed with you, which is way worse.
- Assuming we all want the same thing is absurd. Not all women cry at the end of rom-coms. Not all women are looking to find someone to marry. Not all women want babies. Not all women find muscles and wealth attractive. Not all women have unrealistic expectations. As much as it might be difficult to conceive, not all women are the same. If you want us to judge each guy individually, you need to offer us the same courtesy.
- Expressing emotions doesn’t make us “crazy.” Don’t tell us your ex is crazy. Why? Because unless you can hand over some medical proof, the chance of her actually being crazy is zero to none. Granted, we don’t know her, but we do know that pretty much every time a woman expresses an emotion, cries, or dares to get angry and raise her voice, she’s labeled “crazy.” Pretty much nine times out of 10, the emotions that have been expressed that resulted in a woman being called “crazy” were because of some insensitive dude.
- You guys don’t corner the market on wanting a quick and easy lay. Although this goes back to the whole “not assuming all women are the same” point I made above, I would also like to point out something that might still be a mystery to some guys: We love sex just as much as you do—maybe even more considering our clitoris has twice as many nerve endings than your penis. That being said, stop thinking you’re the only one at the table thinking about getting a quick screw before the night’s over if you’re on a date with a woman. It’s 2018, dude.
- We may want you but we sure as hell don’t need you. So, you know, quit flattering yourselves and trying to convince yourself otherwise. We get along just fine without you.
