When Guys Do These Things, It’s Cool; When Women Do Them, It’s Crazy

When Guys Do These Things, It’s Cool; When Women Do Them, It’s Crazy ©iStock/squaredpixels

Is it just me, or does it seem like guys get away with a lot more than women do when it comes to dating? I’m not just referring to how they can sleep around loads without getting called names, but there just seems to be a lot of double standards:

  1. Getting too heavy too fast. Have you noticed how many guys will charm you to death and act like your boyfriend before you’ve even made it official that you’re a couple? It’s totes fine, though, because it shows that a guy’s really into you. If a woman tries to nudge a guy in the direction of a relationship, she’s too pushy and desperate.
  2. Being the hero. A man who wants to rescue a woman (where can I gag?) is seen as a hunk, a hero. Cue images of a muscular fireman rescuing kittens from a burning building. But when a woman tries to rescue a man, she’s seen as being motherly, which is quick to zap those fires of lust because it’s just weird.
  3. Not giving their partner space. You told the guy you’ve been seeing that you have loads of stuff to do but he keeps texting you. Aww, he really likes you. But try it the next time he goes away with the boys for the weekend. Instead of saying how adorable you are, he’s likely to say you’re being way too clingy.
  4. Playing hard to get. Women keep getting slaughtered for playing games, as you might when you don’t answer his calls right away or keep yourself at arm’s length a bit so that he works for your attention. But guys play hard to get all the time — they just don’t admit it. When they hit on you at the bar, then disappear for a while before coming back later and asking for your number. When they avoid your texts for days and then return, throwing on loads of charm and asking you out. Call it what you will — it’s the same damn thing.
  5. Getting real about their feelings. Have you ever been dating someone and thought, “I just want to be real and show him how I feel?” You reckon this is good and you’d be right to put those games aside if they’re giving him the wrong impression that you don’t want to be with him. But what might happen is that you’re open about how you feel and then BAM, he goes AWOL. Even though you were pretty sure he liked you. WTF? You’re left analyzing what you did to put him off, such as if you came on too strong. Now, when a guy tells it like it is that he’s into you, the result is that he gets applauded! Instead of running away, you’ll be running into his arms.
  6. Showing their green face. The guy you’ve hooked up with before tells you that his mate is into you but he told him to back off. Oooh. You feel a nice ego stroke at the competition, but when the roles are reversed, you come across as childish or a psycho. You have to reel in the jealousy or else get potentially seen as a bunny boiler.
  7. Loving their independence. There are many different types of independence, from making your own way to having your own opinions. Not needing a man around is a great form of independence in dating but it has probably resulted in you being called hard or distant, perhaps even high maintenance. The sad thing is that no one bats an eye when a man is super independent – in fact, it’s seen as a positive characteristic to look for in a partner. Clearly, we still have quite a way to go before we reach dating equality.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.