Guys Explain Why They Pull Away, But Is There Really Any Excuse?

Guys Explain Why They Pull Away, But Is There Really Any Excuse? ©iStock/Geber86

It’s happened to the best of us — a great couple of dates, engaging texts at night, and then all of a sudden, the guy you’re into pulls away. He suddenly stops talking, or he gets shy. He doesn’t quite ghost, but it’s clear that he’s not as gung-ho about it as he once was. Guys regularly pull away, and I’ve always wondered why, so I asked my massive league of guy friends why they do this to girls. Here’s what they said:

  1. They get scared. Some guys pull away because they’re terrified of being in a relationship, or because they feel like they may have made themselves vulnerable to heartbreak. Others are afraid of being rejected by a girl and looking like a fool because of it, so they’d rather be a loser first.
  2. Some just lose interest. More often than not, it’s pretty obvious when a guy loses interest. At times, it’s painful to admit it, but if everything suddenly turns “meh,” there’s not much you can do aside from pull back, too.
  3. They feel suffocated. If you come on too strong, most guys will feel crowded and smothered. He might feel like there’s something amiss, even if there isn’t. If this is the case, he might pull back because he doesn’t want to deal with someone who is clingy or needy.
  4. You’re flying some serious red flags. It’s not only girls who keep a good list of dealbreakers — guys vet out girls, too. If something you said or did tripped a red flag alert for him, he might pull back as a way to avoid drama or reassess the relationship.
  5. They got what they wanted. As one of my guy friends said, “Listen, sometimes girls don’t actually figure out when a guy was just in it for sex, so the guy leads her on, and then when it happens, he pulls away. I hate to say it, but some guys are douchebags like that.”
  6. There’s another girl they’re more interested in than you, and they’re basically using you as a backup. It’s sad to say, but it’s true. Some guys have the attention span of a gnat. You might have been his dream girl this week, but in the next week or so, he might have spotted another girl that he wants to woo. If you two were only casually seeing one another or “talking,” he might have pulled back because he’s changed his mind about you being a priority.
  7. You’re actually a side chick. If he has a regular habit of ebbing and flowing, then going dark, you might be a side chick.
  8. He’s taking you for granted. Ever notice how it’s the peopele who are closest to us that often seem like they just take us for granted? If you’re available to him 24/7, he won’t chase you around. He’ll likely pull back, thinking he’s “conquered” you, and get bored. Some might even just leave, or start treating you like dirt. Do yourself a favor, and don’t waste time on a guy who pulls away because of this. You deserve better.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.