Why Do Guys Get So Butt-Hurt About Their Height On Dating Apps?

Tinder, Bumble, and other dating apps make up the standard when it comes to modern dating. You can learn a lot from someone’s profile, including what they look like next to a drugged out tiger and how much they love brunch. Unfortunately, most guys have a problem listing their height, so it’s one of the only things we don’t know until that first date, but it shouldn’t be.

  1. Dating apps are all about appearance to begin with. C’mon. Swiping right or left based mainly on a few photos? Sure, most people include a short bio, which women appreciate, but how many men actually read ours? Can we stop pretending that this isn’t a little bit shallow by nature? So, yes, height should be included in his profile.
  2. Women are judged way harder on how we look than men. Seriously, we’re expected to be damn-near perfect by both society and the men we date. Guys are allowed to be picky about everything from weight to boob size to hair color. On the other hand, most women will happily date a man who’s well below their level of attractiveness as long as he has a great personality. So if height is my one physical deal-breaker, what’s the big deal?
  3. Men argue that height can’t be controlled. It seems to be the go-to excuse for why they can judge us on our bodies but height shouldn’t be important. While weight can be controlled with diet and exercise, genetics and other factors play a huge part as well. For example, body composition can mean we’re still thick in the thighs or belly even at a very low weight. In addition, it’s much more difficult for women to lose weight and get toned than it is for men due to metabolism and hormones.
  4. It’s one of the few things we often can’t tell from their photos. Adding photos with friends helps us get a feel for how tall a guy is. But if he just has a bunch of solo shots (or worse, selfies), then it’s the only physical trait we can’t see. Why should that be the one thing that’s a mystery?
  5. If we met in person, their height would already be clear. Sure, dating apps make meeting potential matches a lot easier and in a lot of ways, they take away some of the mystery by listing some of his basic interests and values. But if we met at a bar or Whole Foods, we’d both have a better idea of physical attraction before that first date—and that includes height.
  6. Do they really want to disappoint someone? If a girl has an idea in her head that she’s meeting someone taller, she’s likely going to be disappointed. Even if the same girl would have been totally cool with his height if she knew it from the beginning, she’s going to feel a little let down. Disappointment is never the initial reaction anyone wants.
  7. Wouldn’t they prefer a girl that’s okay with their height from the get-go? On that same note, that same woman could have a totally different experience if she had the right expectations. She could be downright smitten by the end of the date. Conversely, if she’s not okay with the guy’s height, she’ll pass and save him the trouble. It’s a win-win.
  8. Don’t waste both of our time. If they’d just list their height on their profiles, guys would save me from having to awkwardly ask—or worse, actually going on a pointless date when I know in the first minute that there won’t be a second.
  9. Shorter guys should own it. Being secretive about height indicates insecurity. I’m always impressed by a guy who says something cheeky in his profile like, “I’m 5’8…in heels.” This shows confidence and a sense of humor. What’s hotter than that?
  10. Being too tall is a thing and can be a problem. Logistics-wise, how does it work if a guy is more than a foot taller than me? I’ve secretly always wondered if that’s why Kim K and Kris Humphries didn’t work out. It just seems difficult when you can’t have a face-to-face conversation and have to stand on your tippy-toes to kiss.
  11. Don’t they want to know my height too? I know most guys don’t care as much about a woman’s height but if I were either very short or exceptionally tall, they’d probably want to know. I would think most guys under 5’6″, for instance, wouldn’t be cool with a girl over 5’10”. Likewise, a guy that’s 6’4″ or taller probably wouldn’t be as interested in my 5’3″ frame. So let’s both be upfront.
  12. Passive aggressiveness is never cool. Too many guys list their height in their profile with a note like, “because apparently it’s important” or “in case you’re shallow.” Umm, yes, it is important and it looks bad on their part to assume that women are shallow simply because we have one qualifier. This shows more about their personalities than it does ours.
Danielle is a world-traveler based in San Diego, California. She loves hiking, yoga, classic movies, and sharing her adventures on her blog shepowersthrough.com