We only get one chance at life, and while love is definitely an exciting part of that life, it’s not everything. In other words, your partner shouldn’t be your whole world. Why? Because it’s your life and if some jackass can’t handle not being the center of it, he either needs to suck it up and deal or hit the road.
You’re with him because you choose to be with him. We choose to be in relationships because we want to be in them, not because we need them. We’re not under any obligation to be with anyone, meaning when we’re with someone, it’s because it’s what works for us at a given time. If a guy gets butthurt because you’re not making him number one then he clearly doesn’t understand how healthy relationships work – or the fact that you can choose to walk away if he gets to be too much to handle.
You have a world outside the one you share with him. The nerve of you having a world that’s separate from the world you have with your boyfriend! My god, woman! What on earth are you thinking? Pfft. If any dude honestly believes that he can be with you and you with him 24/7 without having separate worlds and lives, it’s indicative of some serious codependency and that’s unhealthy AF.
You have goals separate from his. Even if you have goals for your future together as a couple, that doesn’t negate the fact that you have goals that are specific to just you. If you have your eyes set on eventually becoming editor-in-chief of Vogue (like Anna Wintour would ever retire, but I digress), that goal has nothing to do with your partner and is something that you need to foster and work toward on your own, even if that means – gasp! – not making your main squeeze the center of your universe.
You need to put yourself first. Being selfish sometimes is absolutely, positively not a bad thing. Ultimately, we only have ourselves to count on fully and because of this, only a fool wouldn’t put themselves first. If you’re with a guy who’s pissing and moaning about how you’re not catering to his silly needs and childish demands, tell him to grow the hell up and quit being a pain in the butt. Next, explain to him that if he were even halfway intelligent, he’d follow suit in his own life.
Self-preservation is paramount to any successful relationship. Along the same vein as being selfish is self-preservation. That’s the act of protecting yourself from any exterior forces that might mess with what you want to do with your life and the direction in which you’re headed. If a guy truly loves you and respects you, he’s going to get that concept very easily. If he gets butthurt at even the thought of such a possibility, then bye, Felipe.
You’re not doing it to hurt him. Just because you’re not making someone the center of your world doesn’t mean you love them any less or that you’re doing it to hurt them. While this should seem like basic common sense, especially for anyone who has an IQ higher than a donut, some dudes just don’t get it. If your guy insists that you’re deliberately hurting him by not making him the center of your universe, it might be time to tell him to seek therapy—that is, if you want to save the relationship.
You deserve alone time. You can’t have alone time when you constantly have someone up in your grill demanding your attention all the damn time. Woman up, dude! Go play with your friends or find a hobby or something.
You had a life before him and you’ll have a life after him. In news that just might blow these weak crybabies out of the water, you had a life before him and you will after him if this doesn’t last (and it probably won’t as long as he keeps playing the neglected victim). Since this is the case, you owe it to your friends, family, and yourself especially to keep everyone equal in importance in your life. I mean, when was the last time you saw a mom sulking over not being the center of their daughter’s world? Um, never.
You shouldn’t have to feel trapped. Being constantly inundated by demands to make someone your complete and total focal point is a means of trapping and trying to break their free spirit. It’s far worse for you to tape your wings to your back so you can’t fly than it is to have some dude feeling bad for himself. If that’s how pathetic he wants to be, let him. (Then leave him.)
You’re living your life for you and only you. In one of my favorite movies, Out of Africa (which is also a book, FYI), one of the characters when talking about relationships says, “I don’t want to find out one day that I’m at the end of someone else’s life.” If you let someone become the center of your world, that’s exactly what will happen to you. You don’t want that. It’s your life and you deserve more.
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