Guys, Love Doesn’t Come Naturally — You Actually Have To Put In Some Effort

There are guys out there who seem to think a great girl will just fall into their lap and they won’t have to put any work into getting her — or keeping her. That’s why they treat awesome girls as if they’re disposable. If you’re one of those guys, don’t be surprised if you wake up one day and realize you have no idea what love really is or how to find it. Lasting love doesn’t just miraculously happen if you don’t actually put any effort in.

There’s a lot of competition out there.

The girl of your dreams is probably the girl of a couple others guys’ dreams too. She’s not sitting at home waiting for you to knock on her door and rescue her from a life of singledom. If you don’t put yourself out there and prove to her you could be a great boyfriend, she’ll end up with someone who will.

The best women actually like being alone.

The kinds of women who make great partners are the ones who have their own lives and have no problem with being single. They won’t settle for a guy just because he’s available — he actually has to be right for her and willing to put work into a relationship. Most women know it’s a lot easier to be alone than with a guy who doesn’t give a crap.

You probably aren’t as in-demand as you think.

Okay, so in college there was no shortage of hookup buddies and casual flings, but as you get older, there are fewer women looking for no strings attached arrangements. Not that they don’t exist, but they’re going to become fewer and farther between. Most women can spot a guy who isn’t serious about them a mile away, and they aren’t going to give you the time of day. If you don’t know how to have a real relationship, not many women are going to volunteer to be the one to teach you.

Women don’t actually prefer jerks.

The old cliche that women like jerks may be true when you’re 20 and the people you’re dating are still trying to figure out what they want. But after dating one deadbeat too many, most women figure out what’s really important and it’s not how hot you are or how much money you make that matters — it’s how you treat them.

If you aren’t trying, you must not be interested.

No one has time to interpret your mixed messages, dude. Playing hard to get, negging, trying to get her to chase you —  none of those things work on a grown woman who has her act together. If you’re acting like you don’t care, we’re going to assume you don’t care. So if that’s not the case, you’re going to actually have to act like it.

Women have to feel safe to let their guard down.

Falling for a guy who never had any intention of meeting us halfway is a lesson every woman has had to learn the hard way. That’s why most of us aren’t prone to chasing after guys that aren’t showing any interest in us. Trust and love go hand in hand, and if you aren’t putting in the work to earn our trust, you aren’t going to get our love either.

The chase still matters.

It may seem old fashioned to expect the guy to make the first move and do the majority of the pursuing, but the reality is, a lot of women still prefer it that way. We want to know you’re serious about us, and most of the time we aren’t going to make it easy for you. We deserve the best and if you can’t step up to the plate and prove that you’re the best, we probably won’t even acknowledge your existence.

Falling in love may be easy, but staying in love isn’t.

Developing feelings for someone isn’t really something anyone can control, but just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you’ll stay that way. Life isn’t easy sometimes. Stress can take a toll on a relationship. You need to constantly be communicating, compromising and committing yourself to making things work. If you think those things are easy, you’ll be in for a rude awakening.

Anything worthwhile is hard work.

It might not be easy to maintain a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with another person, but anyone who has done it will tell you it’s worth it. You have someone who really gets you, someone you can count on, and someone who loves you no matter what. You deserve to have that, but only if you’re willing to put in as much as you take out.

Love doesn’t conquer all.

You might like to think that being in love means you can take on the world and overcome any obstacle in your way, but that’s not the case. There are plenty of things that can derail a relationship — timing, distance, pressure from outside forces– and just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you can get through it. Sometimes being in love sucks and the easier path would actually be to walk away.

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